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Does age matter?---my main essay for Common App


wwd 1 / 8  
Dec 7, 2010   #1
This is my personal essay for Common App and I chose "Topic of your choice"
It will be really helpful if you have any suggestions! Thank you! :)

Does Age of a Person Really Matter?



I am five feet four inches always with a big smile on my face. I am a persistently studious and companionable person. What has characterized most of my life, however, is my having been two years younger than my peers throughout middle and high school. This simple characteristic has been the cause of much initial hardship as well as an equal measure of subsequent growth.

Owing to my excellence over my classmates in kindergarten, the head master recommended that I could skip two years ahead. My parents enthusiastically accepted this honor, unaware of the difficulties that would soon accompany it. At first, I was a stranger in my primary school and later the object of jibes and pranks. They would ask questions like "did your mother give birth to you at an illegal age?" My teacher, too, believed me too young to follow the coursework in the highly competitive class. He even advised my parents to prepare for the stay-down procedures.

Never encountering such humiliation before, I was depressed. However, unwilling to be a loser, I requested my parents to delay the procedures and resolved to fight for my place. Pretending not noticing my peers' opinions about me, I started my big plan. At noon, some students came home for delicious meal and cozy bed; others stayed at school watching the latest cartoons. To be honest, I wished to eat mom-made lunch at home, but I chose to stay with my classmates or to study in classroom. Gradually I had more friends and less bullies, and I made significant progress. The facial expression of my classmates and teachers changed from "oh my god" to "oh it's you again" when they saw my scores. I outshined my "big brothers and sisters" in my class and relieved my parents with perfect academic records, which won me the admission to a prestigious middle school before graduation. Indeed, age does matter if I take it as an excuse of failure, but it doesn't matter when taken as a motivation which later instilled into every inch of my life. When my piano teacher told me that it would take me at least 7 years to achieve the highest honor in music proficiency test for nonprofessionals, I passed level 9 five and a half years later.

Having tasted bitter discrimination, I develop the empathy towards people who are unfairly treated. I had a transfer classmate who was mentally-handicapped and often made noises in class by eating paper, pencils, and ball pen inks. No one wanted to share a desk with him but me. Chewing pencils did seem indecent, but I did not believe he would eat me. (Human beings become cannibal only because they feel threatened by the same race) So one day I said "Hi" with a smile when he was crunching his physics test sheets. As we got further acquainted, I discovered the reason of his unique diet-to attract attentions. I told him that being different did not matter, but it did matter if it was only for soliciting others' eyes. I constantly encouraged him, introduced my friends to him, and led him into the normal social circle. Everybody witnessed his change: his diet became more nutritious and he ate fewer pencils but spoke more. Later, just as Daniel Goleman once said "Empathy makes a leader able to get along well with people of diverse backgrounds" what I did won me trusts and respects from my fellows.

In reviewing my past I realize that I'm lucky to possess the asset of age: I get to know that it is possible to change people's perspectives if I am convinced to do so. Being younger is not bad. Always looking up at my friends and classmates who are taller than me, I get used to set higher goals. Having suffered from school bullies, I would never allow myself to exert the same pain to others. Also, I am always achieving goals earlier than my peers, which offers me more life experiences than they do. Obviously, age does not matter. What seems to be wrong may be right at last---if I want to change.
rickym 1 / 3  
Dec 8, 2010   #2
i believe your essay is very well written. there is one thing i would change, but that is me and depending on your teachers you may not have to, the word loser. i would change this to outcast, or something like that.
OP wwd 1 / 8  
Dec 8, 2010   #3
I will change it cauz "loser" is kinda too severe..

Thanks : )
zdmw911 9 / 32  
Dec 8, 2010   #4
Pretending not noticingto notice my peers' opinions about me, I started my big plan.

... but it did matter if it was only for soliciting others' eyes.

I get to know that it is possible to change people's perspectives if I am convinceddetermined to do so.
_______

Great essay! Maybe spend more time showing how your experiences of being younger than everyone else developed your character? I'd recommend an entire paragraph on that, because it will show the university what makes you a valuable asset to their student body.
OP wwd 1 / 8  
Dec 8, 2010   #5
I'm sorry I get a little bit confused.

Do you mean I should write an entire paragraph to show my change?
Bobur 5 / 29  
Dec 10, 2010   #6
You don't need any help, because an essay has already gone through a pretty check. If you want compliments, you will receive these only to address of your teachers. Nice eloquency due to the flow.
MirayPhilips 5 / 37  
Dec 10, 2010   #7
Indeed, age does matter if I take it as an excuse of failure, but it doesn't matter when taken as a motivation which later instilled into every inch of my life.

This should be in the end as a conclusion, it feels extremely out of place right there in the middle of the paragraph.

Apart from that I think the rest is fine.. :)


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