Prompt: If you were given a grant to research a scientific or medical issue that you deem important to the world, what would it be, why did you choose it, and what kind of research do you think has the greatest chance of being productive?
If I was given a grant to research a scientific or a medical issue that I would deem important to the world, I would try to find a cure for AIDS. I would try to find a cure for AIDS because I believe it is the most prevalent virus in the world and people of every age are affected by the AIDS virus, especially in poverty-ridden areas. Although there is no cure for the AIDS virus, there have been many treatments available that suppress the AIDS infection in the body, but never alter or halt the effects of the infection. My goal would be to create a vaccine that would not only cure AIDS in affected persons, but also prevent transmission altogether.
I strongly believe that the positive affects of the vaccine will be felt the most in developing countries because patients would not have the onerous task of walking to doctors to receive their regular treatment. In developing countries, many people don't possess vehicles and as a result, they would have to walk to doctors to receive the regular treatment to slow the affect of AIDS. With a option for a vaccine to cure AIDS, people living in developing countries only have walk to the doctor and pay for their treatment once. With the cure for AIDS available, people living in developing countries not only cure AIDS, but also save a big amount of money that they would have otherwise spent on regular-interval treatments that only inhibit the effects of AIDS.
I think that a research that has time devoted to it has the greatest chance of being productive. Ever since the AIDS outbreak in the 1980s, many scientists and researchers have devoted their time to better understand and find a treatment for AIDS. Many would consider these attempts as a failure but I consider these attempts as being productive. The results of the research should be considered utilitarian to the scientific community. The scientists have spent time and money on the research to find a vaccine for AIDS, but instead they have found formulas that don't work. The positive results of the research are that currently the scientists have better knowledge of what elements and minerals work or don't work for the creation of the vaccine that can treat AIDS. My mom always told me to never give up, so I can apply these statements to scientific research that scientists should not give up just because something 'doesn't work,' they should be happy that they have discovered something that, in the future, may help not only themselves, but also their peers by working with the results of the pervious experiments. Copernicus researched that the solar system can be portrayed through a heliocentric model, but he was considered a
'failure' of his time and his research became 'flawed,' but nevertheless, his 'flawed' research laid the foundation for Kepler's heliocentric theory which is now considered true. Therefore, I strongly believe that any research that has commitment and time allocated to it is successful because one should never give up because their commitment and results can actually help the scientific community as a whole.
Therefore, if I was given a grant to research a scientific issue that I believe is important to the world, I would try my best to create a vaccine to cure AIDS. Even if I can't create a cure for AIDS, I would be proud of myself because I know that I tried my best and used the grant to research something that is important for the health of everyone in the world. My efforts and results would lay the foundation the future in which me or anther scientist would find the vaccine for AIDS.
Good afternoon :)
You didn't specify what kind of assistance you are seeking, so I've just made some general comments.
-Avoid using contractions in formal academic writing, as they are inappropriate.
-Avoid the passive voice: "...they would have to walk..." should be "...they have to walk..."
-When using quotation marks, make sure you are using the double marks (") when you are referring to something or writing dialogue. For instance, 'doesn't work' should be "does not work," and 'flawed' and 'failure' should be "flawed," and "failure."
-Choose a different transition word than "therefore." You use it many times in this piece and it becomes redundant.
-Your introduction and conclusion are great, and you stay on topic through the body. Your paragraphs are structurally sound, and the essay has good transitions, resulting in a nice, even flow.
I hope this helps!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
I believe that it answers your prompt, and in regards to grammar, see my suggestions above.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
