Please tell me how is this essay
what can I do to improve it? How much does it tell you about me?
Is my essay a bit too long?
Option #3. Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
It was a luminous summer afternoon, when crowded on the streets of Lahore, I first heard the voice of Aitizaz Ahsan echoing in the background. It had been a tumultuous time for Pakistan as a new voice for an independent judiciary challenged the existing authoritative regime of the country, and as I stood there that day listening to Aitizaz Ahsan, my admiration for the man all but increased. In a country plagued by injustices and corruption here was a man who had decided to uphold his ideals and pursue a goal he strongly believed in. Although a relatively recent figure Aitizaz's role in spearheading the lawyers' movement and his subsequent efforts for the establishment of an independent judiciary have already provided him with a relevance of great significance in the history of Pakistan.
Living in the Middle-East and breeding a sense of pessimism towards the distressing news that usually originate from Pakistan, I have to admit that I was initially wary of the lawyers' movement. I viewed it as a turbulent phase and a beacon of false hope that would soon die out. However as the outrage over the deposition of the chief justice that had initially instigated the lawyers' movement increased I was forced to go through a thorough introspection and managed to question my preconceptions. The realization that my initial perspective on the lawyers' movement, might very well have been inaccurate, when it came was very exciting for it provided a glimpse of hope and reinforced that it was upon the people of Pakistan themselves to determine their fate.
On countless occasions I have reflected on why the judicial movement had such a profound resonance for me once I had gotten over my initial pessimism. I can basically be described as a person who likes sticking to reality. I don't yearn for the extravagant lifestyles and the exorbitant luxuries that many of my age dream of. In fact many of the times I have been labeled as 'extremely pragmatic' by some of my friends. I don't mind this description for it is my belief that it is only pragmatism that provides individuals with an awareness of their shortcomings and allows them to succeed despite their limitations. It was perhaps for this reason that Aitizaz Ahsan and the movement he led were so influential for me. Aitizaz refrained from indulging in lofty rhetoric, fiery speeches and other such clichés associated with Pakistani politics that usually got little done. The lawyers' movement took concrete and practical steps, organizing rallies and mass protests at a very local level to galvanize support for the deposed chief justice. It was therefore very logical for a person like me to decide that I needed to be a part of these activities, not least because of the fact that they strengthened my assertion for the importance of practicality.
So throughout that summer that I spent in Pakistan I was a regular participant in rallies and protests organized by the lawyers' movement. These rallies provided a festive environment and served as a platform for people from different walks of life to gather and work together. We were, however never at the forefront of the movement, and it was evident that our contribution was nothing out of the ordinary. We didn't face the brunt of the authority, were never subjected to any sorts of torture, and were never burdened with economic or political pressures of any significant proportions. In fact some of the people only participated because they enjoyed such gatherings, and yet despite all this, these occasional acts of defiance helped to feed the passion that I had gradually developed for the lawyers' movement. Small practical steps, as they might have been, they brought a feeling of content and assurance that we were doing our part for the restoration of the chief justice. And as we saw Aitizaz Ahsan coping with the insurmountable pressures burdened upon him, it helped us move on with a similar tenacity in our own small ways.
As days transformed into weeks and weeks into months, the lawyers' movement kept on going, sometimes with an increased vigor, at others with a slight drop in it's potency. Then after two years of intense campaigning the government was finally forced to succumb to the demands of the lawyers. As Pakistanis around the globe rejoiced at the success of the lawyers' movement and the exciting prospects that it brought for their country, I was left to ponder upon how great an influence Aitizaz had had over me. Aitizaz's efforts in the past two years had underlined the importance of steadfastness and adherence to the principles that a person believed in. They had also braced me with a realization that goals could be achieved despite the greatness of the challenges that faced us, that darkness and hopelessness need not always prevail, and that despite the scarcity of resources and a lack of opportunities, where there was a will there was always a way. Above all, the success of the lawyers' movement emphasized the significance of small ordinary actions, for it were only these actions that had ultimately enabled the lawyers to achieve an extraordinary feat. Aitizaz's example has therefore made me more aware of my daily routine activities and has allowed me to perform them with a keener interest.
In many ways the lawyers' movement was instrumental in providing me with a general picture of my self. Whilst it underlined some of my better qualities it was also indicative of my shortcomings. My initial reaction towards the efforts made by the lawyers that caused me to be prematurely dismissive of a movement that was yet to show it's true potential, has shown me that I will require a more optimistic approach to deal with future challenges. Having chosen engineering as my intended major I like to think that in the future I will be using my skills to better the world and tackle noble causes such as climate change and sustainability. I realize that as I move along with my career I might encounter some very controversial ethical dilemmas that may require some tough decisions on my part. I might even be left questioning my true motives if offered lucrative job posts or interesting work experiences by companies which do not necessarily adhere with the principles that are dear to me. Aitizaz's example has inspired me to incorporate my ideals with my talents so that I am empowered with the ability to make the correct choices, if and when such situations arise.
Pakistan Zindabad! Great essay, very well written, I would suggest to decrease the length, it is to long. I would cut down on the description of the lawyers' movement and add more on how Aitizaz impacts your daily life. You can give an example of a situation you encountered and you used his spirit or what you have learned from his actions.
Check my essay out please:
Well, its long!! By the time I finished reading it, I completely forgot what you had written in the first few paragraphs.
Your language is fine. HOwever, your content is not strong enough for a personal statement. Most of the times, it sounds more like a personal news report for a magazine. You need to add more personal touch to your essay rather than just describe the man and his political issue. Since the event was well-known throughout the world, you can cut off the basic parts.
