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StevenSameh1512 8 / 21  
Jan 1, 2019   #1
Hello, this is my essay about illiteracy, Please evaluate it. I will appreciate any comments.

Talk about a time when you identified a need in your community:

(I) What need did you identify? Please describe it.
(ii) How did you address this need? What actions did you take? What exact role did you play?
(iii) What difficulties did you encounter? What was the source of these challenges?
(iv) What was the outcome? If the project/activity is unfinished, what actions do you still plan to take? What lessons can you draw from your experience?

Out of all the needs in the community, illiteracy is the most obstacle that need to be encountered. People in today's world are not aware about the technological progress in the holistic world. Most of them, if not all, don't know the basic rules of mathematics, the numbers, how to read a newspaper because of lacking the comprehensive skills, and how to write letters. Consequently, this will lead to facing tough situations like to be not able to speak in front of peoples because the don't know much words and how to create sentences. Hence, an action must be taken.

I am used to read every day's newspaper, one day -Sep 9, 2014- I noticed this notion in EGYPTIAN STREETS site which says " over quarter of Egyptian population is illiterate; 18.5% of males and 33.6% of females can't nether write nor read. I couldn't trust the site at the beginning, but when I was with Resala charity team in garment campaign, I witnessed dozens of thousands of people coming to get some clothes for their children. I asked two or three of them bout their financial situations, there were answering the same response: "we didn't get the proper education, as a result we can't find jobs." I thought about that a lot and finally, I decided to make an education club for all illiterate people for free with my colleagues. We were 20 individuals in this revolution against illiteracy, small number but influential and effective. We began searching for well and wide place, so we can spread our help to large number as we can. To convince people about this place we needed trusted and known charities like Resala, so we engaged with them to attract people. They were pretty kind with us as they appreciated our curious to solve a grand challenge in Egypt. After all, we needed to advertise our work, here my role comes. I was the head of media in our team "Maraya", as I was responsible for the evaluation of the tasks' ideas. I also participated in doing more than half of the designs.

Literally, a lot of obstacles had faced us including: the money for the rent place we chose, official acceptance from ministry of interior, and a trusting of the parents of the illiterate children -we were targeting all illiterates but the objective was the young-minds. I will talk about the most difficult which is money. Almost all of us were 16 years old, so we didn't have sufficient budget to do all the plans we put. From one side, our families were well-contributors for us, they were doing all what they can to help. From the other, we were working in the evening in restaurants or cafes. It took about on year of working and saving money, until we began our project in 2017 with good budget. It was tough as we were balancing between the school and the work, but we succeeded in encountering this obstacle and achieve our goal.

The best outcome is we helped our nation to be better and solve an obstacle by ambitious adolescents. All people that entered our club benefited and got the proper education that they lacked in the past. Most of them advertised our project to their cousins, neighbors, and friends. As the project became popular, we must wide it so we needed to hire talented individuals to help us including: HR, FR, OC, and Media. Fortunately, it was a piece of cake, as we found a lot of people wanted to participate. I noticed that when I made the hiring form on our page on the Facebook. Dozens of people signed and showed a good experience in the past with previous teams. The precious lessons we learned are a lot, we learned how to collaborate and make team, marketing skills, how to be patient with people who don't have knowledge, and how to plan and take decisions. All in all, we can't and shouldn't overlook the myriad of advantages that we gained, and we thank god as nothing from our plan result in unfavorable ramifications.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,844 2632  
Jan 2, 2019   #2
Steven, you misinterpreted the prompt. You are not being asked about a national need, which is what illiteracy is all about. You are being asked to identify a problem within your community that you observed, addressed, and succeeded in helping to improve in terms of situations. So, while illiteracy is also a community problem, you have taken it on based on a national context. If you revise the essay discussion to be more community based, you will have a more properly targeted response for your essay. You just need to revise the first half of the essay that led to your choosing to address illiteracy. Take it from the national to the local scale. Downscale your presentation to have community influences and targets instead. That means changing the first half of the essay that refers to data from the national newspaper and your first paragraph so that the paragraph explains how you came to this discovery instead. Only the first half of the essay needs to be addressed. the last half is alright and highly impressive to learn about in relation to your community need discovery and solution.