Alaskan's cornell engineering essay

Ok, so I already submitted this essay to Cornell in my engineering supplement, but I only got my parents' opinion and really need some more feedback on if it will help my application at all. I realize now that it is quite vague - any opinions will be appreciated!

I've always had an interest in creating things, testing the limits of different systems, and understanding how various things work. As a young child, I played with wooden blocks at recess, intrigued with what I could build. I secretly envied my older brother, who could play with LEGO bricks, while I was expected to play with dolls. Growing older, a passion for playing piano developed - not only because it enabled enjoyment, but because I was awed at how an infinite number of patterns and expressions could be fabricated with just 88 keys and my own ten fingers. So, I knew I had a yearning for creation, but how could I best feed this interest after high school as a professional?

Delving deeper into school subjects, I found I had a love for math and its straightforward, concrete topics. After seeing this, I thought it may be a good idea to enter the world of sole mathematics. But, I began to realize that in order to attain a truly gratifying career, I needed to be able to create aesthetic and tangible products that allow me to stimulate my visual mind but also keep me engaged in mathematical concepts. On top of this, I wanted to be able to contribute to society in the most effective and beneficial way possible. A realization on how best to do this finally dawned on me.

During a break from the National Indian Education convention I was attending in Milwaukee, we had the opportunity to see the city's fine arts museum. I was immediately impressed by the museum itself with its movable wing formation and suspended bridge, and proceeded to research its designer. From this structural engineer and architect, I learned how it is possible to incorporate one's own views on the natural world into ingenuity and engineered designs. As I arrived at this epiphany, it became my goal to manage and propose systems and structures that are progressive for our time, enhancements to our surroundings, and incorporations within our natural world, built and designed in ways so that they remain safe, rather than harmful, to the environment. Entering Cornell's College of Engineering will ensure that I can attain this aspiration.

I am confident that through an undergraduate education at Cornell every needed resource will be supplied and every shadowed concept will be brought clearly to light. With its American Society of Engineers, state-of-the-art laboratories, and expansive research opportunities, Cornell's College of Engineering can offer an effective hands-on education that truly engages its students. I plan to take full advantage of these in order to achieve my vision. Ever since middle school and flipping through Cornell University's view book, I have been intrigued with Cornell's majestic-like quality and secluded, yet highly functional, campus. Being surrounding by the beauty on and around Cornell's campus can open my eyes to even more inspiration, submersing me in ideas that will ultimately benefit mankind, all while I learn how to best utilize my resources in order to accomplish this.

^Did the passion grow older?




^How is this related to stimulating the visual mind, being engaged in math and contributing to society all at once?

i really liked the piano angle, but i not quite understand it's relevance to the middle, or the overall content, of your essay.
You do not suggest how you shall apply your creativity, or your longing to apply it eigher.
Also, perhaps some more detail on 'Why Cornell' would it clearer that you want to study there.
For the most part, a lot of your essay seems irrelevant. You do not the first sixty percent or so with the type of student you are nor do you link it with your educational aspirations and your desire to study at Cornell.

Btw, hasnt Cornell's deadline passed?