Prompt: Optional short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences. 150 words
"Uh? Where is Albania?" Was the most frequent question I had heard during my stay in Holland. I had always introduced myself as the Albanian who lived in Italy, but it was easier for them recognizing me as Italian. I did not mind at all rather I was embarrassed about my native country. Progressively this exchange year In the Netherlands made me understand what being citizen of the world means. Meeting people from all over the world and building strong friendships with them will never make me forget the feelings they gave me. I have a third home and a second family which does not even speak my native language but with whom I have spent an important year of maturity. All these situations have made me conscious of the superficial judgment I had perceived on my ethnicity. Today, thanks to this enlightening experience, I am not ashamed to say "I am Albanian".
I don't know if this is a personal thing but you might want to address some of the pronouns you use? For example when you say "it was easier for them" Who are the "them"?
Also it should be: it was easier for them to recognize me as Italian.
I also didn't get the last sentence because you said you were ashamed of being Albanian but you said in your second sentence that you've always introduce yourself as an Albanian.
Other than that, I don't see anything wrong with it. I also really enjoyed reading your last few sentences; they were great.
Meeting people from all over the world and building strong friendships with them will never make me forget the feelings they gave me. I have a third home and a second family which does not even speak my native language but with whom I have spent an important year of maturity.
^ Make a smoother transition. Tie both of these together somehow.
Hope this helps!
year i n the Netherlands
I really like it!
check out mine?
I think its good..I like the way you described everything! good job, good luck and thanks for your feedback
Cept:
forget the feelings they gave me
that's a little bit awkwardly phrased and vague
year of maturity.
this is also a little bit awkward
Just read the paragraph aloud a couple times and you'll naturally find how to fix the awkward phrasing
I think you've done a decent job. You have identified a problem, then discussed it, and finally ended with the lessons you learned. Good job.
Now, could you return the favor, and look over my revised Princeton supplement essay? Good luck to you!
This is a good response because you touched on something that a person would typically say in an introduction, yet you exposed the history of it.
I think it might be better if you put more of your personality in it though! It was a sincere response and certainly personal, but try to show other parts of you!
Thanks for looking at my essay!
