"I am an Albanian" ; Stanford: Writing a note to future roommate!

here's my note to my future roommate.
please respond as fast as possible and tell me whether this is good enough to present myself and convince the admission committee

Hello mate,
First of all I want to tell you that we are going to have great fun; we got in Stanford YAY!

I am an Albanian coming from Kosovo, a small country in the south-eastern Europe. Even though Kosovo celebrated only its 4th independence anniversary this year, it is a country with a very rich history and culture. There are many beautiful things about my country so you're going to hear a lot from me about it. I expect the same from you as I like to learn about new cultures and different ways of living.

I have a wide range of interests; beginning with skiing, listening to music, playing soccer, watching movies, fishing, travelling and ending with reading, drawing, swimming and hiking. But the two main interests in my life are engineering and basketball.

Since I was a kid, I always wanted to become an engineer. My father, an electrical and electronic engineer, used to explain me how basic things worked and how engineers made different devices which helped people perform tasks faster and better. I quickly learned how to change a bulb or fix a broken plug. Together with my father we would make up new toys and put them into work. This significantly shaped my school life as I became more and more interested in mathematics and science subjects such as physics and chemistry. Thus talking about things related to engineering such as innovative inventions or solutions to world problems is something I really like and wish to share with you.

Playing basketball is another thing I love. I train regularly and play in the junior league of Kosovo. I am a huge fan of the Lakers and to me Kobe Bryant is arguably the best player that has ever existed (you'd better agree here)! I hope to play basketball in Stanford too and I advise you not to get surprised if you see me in the middle of the night trying to perform an imaginary move that Kobe did to beat the buzzer or bouncing the basketball to the ceiling. I also hope that we will play together and have fun.

Finally, I want us to become FRIENDS. I want us to help each other and care for each other. We're not going to only share the same room; we will share our time in there. Btw I really like to make people laugh and have fun so you'll never get bored in my company.

Yours sincerely,

Rron

Can't use a semicolon here. Also the whole "beginning with... ending with..." doesn't really fit, since you include a lot of things


I would work with my father to...


This led me to become more interested in mathematics...


not an imaginary move, rephrase


this is a little much. It's great you want to be friends with your roommate, but it's a little youtube.com/watch?v=vfthzU3V4zo in my opinion, haha


NEVER use text lingo! By the way,

katev
thank you very much! i really appreciate your help but i just got 1 more question... how does it look in general, the meaning, the way i introduce myself, simply the things that matter....

First of all, I want to tell you that we are going to have great fun; we got into Stanford. YAY!

Maybe say "I would first like to congratulate you with your acceptance to Stanford! We are going to have a great year together."

thnx for your correction :) i will try to read your essay now

but before that, i need you to tell me whether the deep meaning of this 'letter to roommate' is the one the admission officers are looking for. And also plz tell me if the format i used is ok and if i expressed myself and my interests good enough

Your help would be greatly appreciated

rroni12345
I think you need to go in depth with your interests a bit more because you just listed them and talked about a few of them! And with the deep meaning, if you go in depth a little more I think you should be fine

Please press "like" on my comment on the far right of this post :)

I think it looks very nice. I think the fact that you're from Kosovo is very unique and it might make a difference to elaborate more on it. What is something unique from the country that you could bring to the college? Like culture (food, art, etc.) or anything that may be able to make your essay stick out more to the admissions officers.

thank you very much. i really appreciate this :) i will try to add smth more about my country Kosovo.... thnx again