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My Alcoholic Father - College admissions Essay

mthao007 1 / -  
Jan 18, 2018   #1
This is a college admissions essay. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance! The prompt is: "Consider something that goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you."

an issue of great importance for me

People in today's society grow up differently based on the countless number of difficult circumstances and problems they encounter in their life. In addition to the difficult circumstances in life, the people around one's surroundings can also heavily impact their behaviors and perception of the real world, including parents. Parents, without a doubt, can be a great influence on their children based on the actions they take and decisions they make. Similar to many people, my life has been significantly impacted by the decisions of my parent.

Carefully thinking back, I have realized that something about me has been going largely unnoticed-which is the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic father. Not only has this truth about my life been going unnoticed, it has also been securely hidden from others, not by someone else but myself. By hiding this truth, I have unintentionally built myself a mask that concealed one of the ugliest aspects of my life. Keeping this hidden was perhaps out of the fear that if people knew the truth, their perception of me would change. Additionally, the thought that people may begin to perceive me as someone who has a bad influence on others based solely on the fact that my father was an alcoholic terrified me. This mask of deception was the only tool I could use to escape other people's judgments.

Thinking back over and over again, I have realized how much my view on life has been impacted by the acts of my alcoholic father. Growing up with an alcoholic father has undoubtedly been a journey filled with many struggles, ranging from being constantly neglected to having encountered a countless number of financial hardships. Rather than choosing to provide for the family, my father allowed the alcohol to manipulate him and take advantage of him. Furthermore, because of his excessive drinking, I slowly began to lose hope in the idea that he could return to what he used to be. Although these struggles may just seem to be negative experiences at first, they do eventually become something valuable if one chooses to see them in a different way. In a sense, I secretly feel grateful to these experiences as they have matured me and helped me to think of my future differently. Through these experiences, I have gained a very valuable insight into how different my future could be if I prevent myself from making bad decisions.

Many believe that a child's behavior is a direct reflection of their parents'. When children become aware of the bad decisions their parents make, they are often faced with two choices. They either follow in their parents' footsteps and imitate what they observed from their parents or choose to take the parents' bad decision as a lesson to learn from and ensure that they never fall in the same path. Refusing to become a reflection of my parent, I have decided to achieve something greater than what my father was. Instead of choosing to follow him, I have learned to use his bad decision to my own advantage. Rather than an ugly truth, it has become a motivating factor that constantly reminds me of success and drives me towards it. Using his mistakes as a lesson, I have ever since become aware of the fact that only I have the power to change my life.

Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Jan 18, 2018   #2
Meng, as I read your essay, I was really engrossed in the story you were telling. Then, as I reached the end of it, I found myself asking a question. Why do you think that having an alcoholic father is something that has gone unnoticed in your life? Are you absolutely sure that it is unnoticed? Or perhaps the people in your circle are only polite enough not to mention it because the alcoholism of your father does not seem to have a direct effect on you anyway? You have to explain that point in the essay otherwise, it doesn't really ring true as unique information on your part.

The overall essay and discussion is informative, enlightening, and engaging, there is just that one big loophole in the essay that you need to explain away. It might require you to revise some parts of the essay because of the maximum word count though. You need to do it if you want to make sure that this essay will be presented in the strongest, most engaging, and informative manner. I suggest taking out the current opening statement and just opening strong with the presentation of your father's alcoholism. That way you gain a full paragraph allotment for the explanation as to why people tend to notice the fact that your father is an alcoholic. This creates a more complete presentation of the topic you have chosen to discuss in this essay.

This is an essay that has the ability to hook the reader in. Just make sure that you start and end on a strong note. Right now, you end of a strong note but the beginning can use some impact. That is why I am suggesting the change in opening paragraph remarks.

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