hi this is my college essay I'd love to hear what you have to say! Thank you!
Prompt:
What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or
community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.
Essay:
I was born into an atypical, loving, and caring family. My parents are both from Great Britain and my brother was born in a British military base in Germany. I owe much of who I am to my family. They've always supported my decisions, exposed me to new opportunities, and have always tried their best to guide me on the right path.
One great experience that stands out to me was when I had the opportunity to accompany my father on a business trip to Hamburg, Germany. We went to view a new product line of blow molding machines used to make plastic bottles. My father, who works for Coca-Cola, met with the machine manufacturer to discuss future business. I got to meet many people and see firsthand what the varied field of engineering has to offer. I remember watching all the machinery and sitting in on meetings with my father learning how he talked with people in a professional manner that was firm yet kind. This experience was significant to me as it unearthed the fields of engineering to me like never before. Without my father such an experience would've never presented itself to me, and especially not one that would help me with my future career path.
My family has guided me on the right path in many ways through learning and observing their actions and the consequences they have, good or bad. In particular my father has always done his best to teach me about wealth management. He's exemplified this by showing me books such as "Buffettology" or "The Richest Man in Babylon", teaching me about the stock market, and making deals with me. One of the most important deals he's made with me, which sparked my great interest in business, said that until I move out of the house, whatever I put into the stock market he would match one hundred percent. At the time I never really got just how big that deal was, but as I kept researching and reading on wealth management and investing it became quite apparent that I could make a lot of money from this deal. Seeing as how I couldn't get a job I counted on odd jobs from neighbors and birthdays for most of my income and would contribute small sums to my portfolio. But just last Christmas my grandmother gave me one thousand pounds, which is about fifteen hundred U.S. dollars, which is the largest sum of money I'd ever received. My cousin had received the same amount and decided he would benefit from a new set of wheels on his car. I however decided to spend two hundred on a new watch and put the other thirteen hundred into the stock market. Looking back it's one of the smartest decisions I have ever made and I can guarantee that if my father hadn't taught me about wealth management that money would have been wasted.
My family has affected me greatly by shaping me into the person who I am today through experiences and opportunities. They have given me a great foundation to help me thrive in the world, and have passed down their wisdom to try and equip me for the challenges I will face tomorrow.
Hi Alex
Let me give you some correction...
... my brother was born inat a British military base...
... a new product line of blow moldingmoulding machines used to ...
... job I counted on odd jobs from neighborsneighbours and birthdays for ...
I however, i decided to spend two hundred on ...
I like your story
Your writing is quite good too
Thank you...
