I'm new to the site and would love input on my essay. I'm just getting a feel for how this works, but I am open to any suggestions, criticisms, etc. Thanks in advance for your time.
Why Stanford...
(I'm working on an eye catching opening line)
If anyone is qualified to say that they cannot live without Stanford, it is I. After living on campus for two months as part of the Stanford High School Summer College, I found myself almost unable to return home. Why was Stanford such a life changing experience? I've asked myself this very question every day since I've returned. Stanford is a Mecca of diversity and brilliance, an ideal place for a student who is avidly interested in Medicine and Language. Moreover, I will not waste my time discussing Stanford's academic prestige as the world is more than aware of the university's standing. My thoughts immediately drift back to late night fountain hopping excursions, recreational pottery, impromptu lessons in Turkish and Portuguese as well as lessons in the art of belaying. These were a few of an endless number of opportunities in which I was able to participate. I cannot recount the number of life lessons learned on the third floor of Loro in Florence Moore Hall or the appreciation of music I gained at multiple Stanford Jazz workshop events. Stanford's physical beauty is unrivaled, its ideals unparalleled. I cannot justify making any other school my number one choice. Stanford enables students to become whatever they so desire, and my time at Stanford has me more than convinced that the university will provide the same empowerment to me. I simply dream that the doors of Stanford will open to me, as they have to those who have preceded me.
After living on campus for two months as part of the Stanford High School Summer College, I found myself almost unable to return home.
I like your essay a lot, especially the ending. But a few parts seem unnecessary like: "I've asked myself this very question every day since I've returned." and "Moreover, I will not waste my time discussing Stanford's academic prestige as the world is more than aware of the university's standing." You should just go directly to your main point. (it also saves words for descriptions of more important things.)
Moreover, I will not waste my time discussing Stanford's academic prestige as the world is more than aware of the university's standing it goes without saying.
Well written stuff here, for sure. I think you should add some details about your clearly envisioned plan for the next few years. Even if you are not sure, you can express some aspects of your plan as though no discussion of college would be complete without mention of what you plan to learn and do as a professional. After mentioning medicine and language, can you make room to discuss some specifics about your plan?
"Moreover, I will not waste my time discussing Stanford's academic prestige as the world is more than aware of the university's standing."
I believe you just wasted 22 precious words that you could've spent talking about Stanford's specific academic programs, which you barely mentioned. Good luck.
These were a few of an endless number of the innumerable opportunities in which I was able to participate.
As you say"Stanford enables students to become whatever they so desire." I think you should write something about your desire.
Your details are interesting! Gook luck!
One minor improvement option:
Stanford enables students to become whatever they so desire, and my time at Stanford has me more than convinced that the university will provide the same empowerment to me likewise .
