Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


"Are we alone?" supplement Revision


bilodeau54 3 / 19  
Jan 4, 2010   #1
Prompt: Are we alone (250-400 words) (mine is 412 as posted)

Just looking for revision help.

Extraterrestrial life has always captivated my imagination; "E.T." is among my favorite movies, and the battle between humans and aliens in my favorite video game, "Halo," has entertained me for years. I have spent a great deal of time pondering whether or not there is life elsewhere in the universe. As a result of this contemplation, I have come to the conclusion that we are almost certainly not alone, but in all probability we will never know for sure.

It is a miracle that I am alive. For Earth to have the properties that enable it to maintain life is highly improbable, and the odds of life developing and evolving into me, with the exact genes that I have today, seems near impossible. Despite this, we humans are proof that life is able to develop, evolve, and survive on planets. The Milky Way galaxy alone has more than 100 billion stars, and there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in the universe according to most estimations. Dr. Carl Sagan once said, "In the face of such overpowering numbers, what is the likelihood that only one ordinary star, the Sun, is accompanied by an inhabited planet? Why should we, tucked away in some forgotten corner of the Cosmos, be so fortunate? To me, it seems far more likely that the universe is brimming over with life." I could not agree more.

However, despite the likelihood of extraterrestrial life, humans may never be able to solve this debate. The only way to know definitively would be to discover life on another planet, but we have never even left our own solar system. Although some day I believe it will be possible, humanity is a long way from having the technologies to make our sci-fi movies come true and explore foreign stars and planets. Even then, the distances are so great that it will take hundreds of years to do so. And so I have come to accept that I will not see the type of intergalactic war portrayed in Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game, or get to watch Elliott ride off into the night as E.T. "phones home." Instead, I have altered my dreams. Now I contemplate how far science will be able to take us in exploring the galaxy that surrounds our Earth, and if one day, far into the future, humans will be part of an intergalactic community, and thus my childhood curiosity lives on.

Your help is appreciated and I would be glad to assist anyone that wants (say so in your post)
jinglebells 3 / 15  
Jan 4, 2010   #2
Extraterrestrial life has always captivated my imagination. "E.T." is among my favorite movies, and humans fighting aliens (maybe the battle between humans and aliens) in my favorite video game, "Halo," has entertained me for years.

Instead, my dreams continue, but are altered. Now I contemplate if? one day, far into the future, humans will be part of an intergalactic community and how far science will be able to take us in exploring the galaxy that surrounds our Earth.

I really like this essay. It has a lot of voice and is pretty much ready to submit. Good luck getting in!
OP bilodeau54 3 / 19  
Jan 4, 2010   #3
Okay so I have made a "final version" but still looking for a bit of help.

Okay so three things to look at, one in the last sentence of each paragraph.
Par.1 Should there be a coma before but?
Par.2 Should I delete or change the last sentence?
Par.3 I added the very last clause because I felt I did not do a good job concluding, but not sure if it works. Opinions?

And finally, the essay is supposed to be 250-400 words, and this as seen comes in at 405. Will they care?

And as a side note, anyone know how to delete the original post so it says "See Below?" New to the site
...
rapoch 9 / 28  
Jan 4, 2010   #4
... "E.T." is among my favorite movies, and the battle between humans and aliens present? in my favorite video game, "Halo," has entertained me for years.

As a result of this contemplation, I have come to the conclusion that we are almost certainly not alone, but in all probability we will never know for sure.we might on day know for sure - maybe change this to "we have not yet solved this mystery" or something like that

Although some day I believe it will be possible, humanity is a long way from having the technologies to make our sci-fi movies come true and explore foreign stars and planets.awkward sentence in general.. "foreign stars"? not good choice of words

... ride off into the night as E.T. "phones home".

solid essay, some confusing parts indeed and somethings have to revised..
but in general, its pretty good! nice job!

could you please take a look at my essay? thanks! :)


Home / Undergraduate / "Are we alone?" supplement Revision
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳