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Along the way of my 17-year rollercoaster ride in this life, I have learned valuable life lessons


ryan6ixgod 2 / 1 1  
Nov 29, 2016   #1
What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person

17 years ago, I came into this world as a newborn baby boy. At that instant, I joined a pre-existing family unit consisting of a young woman from Indiana, who I would later know as mom, a physically imposing young lad, who in that moment was officially crowned the title of father and later dad, and finally a little girl almost one years old, who now held the coveted position of big sister. Along the way of a 17-year rollercoaster ride with these 3 people I have experienced the world, learned valuable life lessons as well as skills, and have been introduced to 3 vastly different ideologies. All this culminating in the ability for me to morph myself into the person who I want to be and the person that I am today. While I have taken so much from these three influences in my life, they each hold one lesson that has had an immeasurable impact on my life.

The most notable lesson I have acquired from my dad is that alcohol is not the answer. Though he has never come forth and said it, over the years I have seen my dad drink every night as if he had a purpose. Whether it be to relax to get tipsy or to get outright drunk it happens all too often. Thankfully the only change the alcohol brings out in my dad is his annoyingness is exemplified but I can't help but realize that through witnessing it all throughout my 17 years of existence it has taught me that you can't drink, smoke, or inject away your problems.

My mother has shown me the ropes since I was born as any good mother would. I always spent more time with her than my father as she stayed at home while my dad slaved away to provide for us but the most important lesson I learned from her only became clear recently. To take care my sister and I when we were first born my mom decided to forego the opportunity to go to college and become a speech pathologist. When I started the 8th grade she decided she had completed her motherly duty and decided to go back to college to fulfill her dream. She then accomplished her goal during my junior year of high school as she became a speech pathologist at a clinic near my hometown. The lesson learned: it's never too late to fulfill your dreams.

Finally, the lesson learned from my sister: never neglect your family. I learned this lesson through my sister obsession with her boyfriend. She does everything for him even applied and now works at the same restaurant as him. She is always by his side and never leaves it. This leaves little time for her family and consequently pains my parents due to the little time they see their daughter.

Thanks to these three lessons, I have successfully molded myself into the person I am, was, and will continue to be.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Nov 29, 2016   #2
Ryan, your opening statement is good but doesn't really help your story along. The physical description of the family is not important to the essay. The best part of this portion that you can use is the one that says " I have experienced the world..." If you can reformat that last statement into a form that will better serve as your opening statement, your essay will become much more interesting to read than if you had just physically described your family. Give an overview of their individual ideologies instead and then discuss those in greater detail, as you did in the rest of the essay.

Now, in relation to what is wrong with this essay, please try to revise the portion about your sister. It is not right for you to be discussing her private life with her boyfriend in an essay that a stranger will be reading. Though you may be angry at her for being so close to her boyfriend and seemingly neglecting the family, I am sure she is not all bad. You have spoken of the negatives your father has had, the lesson your mother taught you, so the next step, will be to show how your sister has inspired you. I am sure she has done that successfully in some way. You just have to reflect on that time in your life and write about it in the essay. That is how you describe how your family has helped you develop into the person that you have become today.


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