Alternative Learning Experiences- Massage School & Traveling Abroad

Statement of Purpose: explain any circumstances that I feel could add value to my application; address the admission committee directly and let them know more about me as an individual in a way other transcripts can not reflect

I graduated high school in 2000 and worked full time for some years thereafter. Despite the fact I was a member of the Honors Society and on a college prep track, I was disillusioned about the importance of continuing my education. I yearned for some "real world" experiences. Instead of pursuing the expected path, I attended massage school, traveled, found hobbies and started a business. Attending massage school and traveling around the world transformed my perspective on education.

Attending massage school in 2003 was the initial catalyst for my educational, and personal, "revolution". The teaching environment and style of massage school was completely different than any other classroom I had been in. My teachers frequently utilized lecture, hands on demonstration and video instruction for one lesson. We rarely sat at desks under florescent lighting, but instead sat on mats on the floor utilizing natural light from the room windows. To learn about different techniques, we had live massage demos and to further our understanding of the anatomy of the body, we built muscle groups with clay. It had been a long time since I had actually felt excited to be in a classroom. Coupled with this, I met interesting people from all walks of life. I became inspired by the personal stories we shared and as I continued to learn about the origins of massage, I was intrigued by these historical cultures and Eastern philosophies. I began to see greater opportunity in my future and my curiosity to explore the world was becoming fierce.

After I received my massage license, I went abroad for the first time. Still inquisitive about the origins of massage, I ventured to Asia. Initially, I planned to enroll in massage courses abroad, but once I stepped foot overseas, I became immersed in the sights and sounds of the culture. Sitting in a classroom, even if it was in a different country, was the last thing I wanted to do. Experiencing new cultures was challenging and rewarding. I was taken aback witnessing such poverty; the smell of street food overpowered my senses and the natural beauty of the land left me speechless. No classroom could ever replicate that.

It was in Laos that my eyes opened to the blessing of education in the states. My travel partners and I befriended a couple of monks who were eager to practice English. They shared with us stories of their life in the monastery and about their studies. Eventually, we learned of the monasteries run down classroom and inadequate supplies. We built a chalkboard, desk and benches and supplied them with erasers, pencils and chalk. The monks were extremely grateful. I learned that many of the "novice monks", the young children of the monastery, were dropped off at the monasteries as babies because the temple would raise the children, provide them with a meager education and an opportunity to learn English. The alternative was that the children would be raised in poverty. How different their education opportunity was from mine. My educational possibilities encompassed me saying, "yes" to school and then applying to my college of choice. I reflected on this awareness, and their experiences juxtaposed against mine, I felt guilty for my whimsical decision to postpone college. I had decided back then, in my all knowing age of 18, that I could just delay the college path because I could, yet, for these monks, it was but a dream to obtain an education remotely similar to the education available to me in America. I had taken the prospect of a college education, for granted. Education accessibility, in these developing countries, is not like what it is in the United States. I became deeply grateful for my educational opportunity and I now felt like it was a responsibility for me to utilize the education that awaits me in any of the institutions in America.

Now certain that college could only enhance my real world experience, I enrolled at ACC in 2007. I have had powerful conversations because of my recent studies and, just like those "real world" experiences, my professors, classmates and the course material has continually inspired me. So while the road to my college career has been filled with twists and turns, I am now exploring new worlds and realms with in the confines of a classroom. Having been deeply moved by the sights, sounds and vibrancy of other cultures, I aspire to take hold of opportunities here in my culture. I am so grateful I took the time to experience the world (a small part of it) before committing myself to the academia life. I am confident that new doors of possibility await me on the grounds of the University of Texas.

You are making a good point about accessibility to higher education in the US and how one can take it for granted (until personally experiencing what it is like for the rest of the world.) I think you can say it with fewer words for more impact and less repetition. Examples follow:


Why not state specifically how many years you worked full time after highschool?




overkill and repetition with the following phrase...






Why do monks' families pressure them to succeed? Does not sound right...

yes thank you. I believe I can trim the essay too...will do...thanks for your suggestions.

Hey, this is an interesting story, and it really is enjoyable to read. You have a nice writing style.

I see a place near the beginning where you have within as 2 words instead of 1 word as it should be...

So, this tells your story, but I assume other parts of the application involve essays in which you focus on your plan for the present and future?

With this essay, I mostly think you should work on getting rid of unnecessary words. You have a lot of inefficiency, and although those extra words and phrases have meaning when you write them, you need to revise with the reader in mind. Make it sleek.

...worlds. and realms.
College will take me and introduce me, to even greater lands that provide further inspiration for me.--- this is the stuff I am talking about. Trim away the excess.

Yes thanks Kevin. below you will find an revised version. If you have the time, let me know your thoughts..yes I found a lot of redundancy initially...and (hopefully) took care of a lot of that..A-

This essay is impressive, but you can still make it much better by adding some more meaning to this thesis statement. Instead of saying it was transformed, say how it was transformed. With just an added phrase, this sentence can give the whole essay enhanced meaning.

:-)