Hi, all! I'm applying to Wellesley and would really like some help on my essay. Wellesley is my top choice, so I want to give them my very best. I changed the names I mentioned. Thank you very much!
"Our Faculty"
When choosing a college community, you are choosing a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. Generations of inspiring women have thrived in the Wellesley community, and we want to know what aspects of this community inspire you to consider Wellesley. We know that there are more than 100 reasons to choose Wellesley, but the ''Wellesley 100'' is a good place to start. Visit wellesley.edu/admission/100 and let us know, in two well-developed paragraphs, which two items most attract, inspire, or energize you and why. (p.s. ''Why'' matters to us.)
The "Wellesley 100" webpage attracted me to many different aspects of Wellesley. However, I waited to finish reading all 100 reasons before I chose my top two. At the very bottom of the page, two items stood out to me. The first was number 99: "Our Alumnae". I was fortunate enough to attend a Wellesley event for prospective students hosted at an alumna's house. There were several alumnae who graduated in 1970 all the way until 2008. Although some alumnae attended Wellesley almost 40 years apart, every woman I met gave me a glimpse of the future I wanted. They were vivacious, eloquent, courteous, modest, and most importantly, amiable. Although they had similar exceptional qualities, each woman stood out in her own distinguished way. I felt as comfortable in their company as if I were attending a family reunion. Several women never crossed paths while attending Wellesley, yet they connected here in Hawaii as though they had known each other since college. I also had an alumna interview with Astra Bradley at a local coffee house. She connected me with Tina Reyes, another alumna, after hearing of my interest in chemistry. At the Wellesley event, an alumna, Melanie Martin, recounted her interview with a Wellesley alumna; Melanie aspired to be like her interviewer. Likewise, I strive to be like Melanie and the other alumnae I met: strong-willed and driven to fulfill their dreams.
My conversations with Tina and Astra attracted me to number 01: "Our Faculty". Wellesley consists of only undergraduate students, so the faculty consists of accomplished instructors whose primary focus is teaching. I learned from Astra that most classes were under 20 students, which drew me to Wellesley even more. At my high school, my favorite classes have consisted of less than 15 people because each student contributed equally. We built a small, close-knit community where each person spoke without fear of judgment and respected all opinions. Astra and Tina spoke fondly of their professors. 7 students per faculty member means a student has the opportunity to get to know her professor as a person and vice versa. I would love the opportunity know my teachers well because they can instill information in me that can't be taught in a classroom. For example, Astra could call her former Environmental Geochemistry teacher, Dennis Baker, with a question about her field, psychology, and Mr. Baker would be able to help her. A prospective professor taught one of Astra's classes for a day before he was hired. Giving a potential instructor the chance to display his knowledge displays Wellesley's conscious effort to provide a high quality of education. At Wellesley, students are taught by the most qualified individuals who have a passion for teaching and care for his or her students. My mother taught me that education is the most important and only thing you truly own; no one can take it away from you. Wellesley will teach me valuable lessons, which I will use to educate others.@potatohead
I think your essay is pretty good as you discussed in-depth the reasons for why you choose Wellesley. However, I find the final quote " My mother taught me that education is the most important and only thing you truly own; no one can take it away from you" is not the best way to conclude your essay with. Because it does not add a real value to your previous argument. Therefore, I think you better either erase this quote or change it by another one.
Best of luck in your application.
I like the idea of this essay, I can see why you want to attend the school! I think that you should change
"Wellesley consists of only undergraduate students, so the faculty consists of accomplished instructors whose primary focus is teaching" because graduate students would also require accomplished, specialized professors.
Also, if you say, " At Wellesley, students are taught by the most qualified individuals" then the right pronoun would be "their."
I really like the last 2 sentences of the essay!!
Could you please look at mine as well? Thanks!
