Hey editors, I really need opinions and suggestions! Thanks in advance :]
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Words: 357
In my opinion, Alverno High School resembles a river that carries very unique varieties of life. Its students are school of fish; their talents and characteristics paint their surrounding an exotic look of vibrant colors. The clubs and activities offered to the students that nurture their creativities and enhance their personalities represent the vast plant life. Rigorous classes that teach responsibility, intelligence, wisdom and widen students' horizon are equivalent to occasional fish nets. My attendance at Alverno has helped me to flourish from a Parr into a Smolt with dreams and aspirations.
During my early stages at Alverno, I floated among various clubs in attempt to discover my strengths. I had just entered a new world and my path and goals were indistinct. At first, I tried to mimic the "over achievers", but realized that method was dull and joyless. With an open mind, I began to participate in diverse extracurricular activities which grasped my interest. After gaining dynamic knowledge and strength in many areas from participating in: Track and Field, Government, Reading and Art Clubs and Ambassadors Corporation, my path was narrowed down and I started focusing on subjects which utilized my talents.
Alverno is committed to inspire growth through praise and encouragement. It actively awards recognition to excelling students and promotes them to higher standards. While boosting my confidence and expectations, my compassionate teachers uplifted me into surpassing difficulties. After receiving my first Honor Award, assertive determination stimulated my study habits. The flavor of achievements was sweet and made the bitter work worthwhile.
Alverno's way of assessing and managing learning made me intellectually curious. It has helped me realize that high academic achievements can fulfill my dreams. The awards and scholarships that I received inspired dedication to occur in my activities to accomplish outstanding results. Alverno has given me confidence and courage to face changes in life's course. Alverno's environment provided me with strong work ethics to become an honest, charismatic and self-reliant woman. I feel that Alverno has positively influenced and shaped my personality by preparing me to face the next chapter of my life at a higher education institute.
confidence and courage ... strong work ethics to become an honest, charismatic ... influenced and shaped...These are all quite abstract. It will be better if you get specific in your answer to the question about how it shaped the person you have become. This is your chance to show how proactive you have been in learning about subjects that have become interesting to you.
At the end of the essay, you should probably mention that fish analogy again. That will give the essay a sense of fullness.
