Hey guys I was just wondering what people would think of my essay. In my opinion, it's very hit or miss: it'll be fairly easy to find it distasteful. I could write a more boring, standard one, but i gave this a try. Let me know your opinions, thanks.
Knowledge is not hard to find. It peeks out behind every page of the New York Times, it hides inside a URL on the Internet, and it even blatantly stares out at you on the Discovery Channel. One day I decided to don my khaki forest gear and see if I couldn't capture my very own tidbit or two of knowledge.
Any prospective hunter should start out small. So I decided to go online and see if I could spot a fact. Getting out my surfboard, I traversed the web until something flashy caught my eye. Sure as day, there it was. It was an online article from About.com listing a few French words borrowed by the English language. Taking out my net, I waded stealthily through the knee-deep cyberspace. Once behind the critter, I pounced upon my pray. Unfazed by its cries of 'adieu!' and "rendez-vous!" I wrestled it into submission and absorb it into my brain. Once I had my first taste of learning, I wanted more. I jumped out of the computer and decided to head to the library to search for bigger, more beautiful creatures of knowledge.
And so I invaded the bookshelves. There stood before me many a formidable foe, but I wanted something mighty, perplexing. My eyes rested upon 'Speed of Light,' by Cliff Nielson. Shifty and quick, 'Speed of Light' was not a matter easily grasped. Many days and hours elapsed before I finally got a firm grip of it. The 'Speed of Light' was the newest member of my brain.
I spent many years hunting for knowledge, and finally I came upon High School. Here, many Hunters like me had gathered, each seeking to put something more in their brais. I was among the best and the brightest of these Hunters; I found myself looking for ever more challenges. When fellow Hunters told me, "That's too many APs" or "Good luck, she's the hardest teacher in the school," I stood tall, plowed forward into the darkness, and faced my trials. Biology, physics, chemistry, history: all were successfully wrested into my brain.
And this is where I stand, 3 years into high school, already wondering what my next challenge will be. I am tired from all this hunting, seeking, and learning, but I know I can never stop. As long as I live, I know I must treat every day as another opportunity to imbibe the amazing wealth of knowledge that surrounds me. If something like particle physics or architecture catches my fancy, I know I have an easy decision: go out and seize it, or let it slip away. I know that my journey will never end, for a good Hunter knows that there always lurks something in the shadowy darkness of the unknown.
PS: I find the "put it in my brain" part repetitive and kinda funky.
Oops that was not my title. It doesn't really have a title yet.
Thanks so much guys. I was afraid that this would be too tacky.
Freezard:
@"Khaki forest gear"- yeah i was thinking the same thing. i spent some time looking at this; i think i can fix it by just saying "hunting gear."
@hyphen- i have no idea really lol
@"tired"- again, i wondered about this bit a little. i meant something along the lines of, hunting makes you tired, but you cant stop. not, i'm so friggin tired of this hunting business.
@decision- yes i understand, thank you
I agree that you took a big risk of using this style of writing as an application essay.
These are parts I find fantastic and that you should definately keep if you decide to re-work the essay:
"Any prospective hunter should start out small. So I decided to go online and see if I could spot a fact. Getting out my surfboard, I traversed the web until something flashy caught my eye. Sure as day, there it was...
I wrestled it into submission and absorb it into my brain. Once I had my first taste of learning, I wanted more. I jumped out of the computer and decided to head to the library to search for bigger, more beautiful creatures of knowledge...
I also enjoyed the discovering of the book and how it became a part of your brain. And the whole analogy of becoming at hunter is marvelous.
But there were some parts that I was a little perplexed by, mainly what you discovered in french. But that also may be because I haven't read the book...
The essay as a whole screams risk, but I feel that this is a fantastic one.
Good Luck!
And the essay is about 3/4 a page (12 Times New Roman). How long does it need to be?
500 words is the general number. But that is a very general. I know that for common app there is one essay with a 250 word minimum. That is the classic college essay. There is another one that is required, 150 words or less, which explains an activity. I don't think that this essay really applies to that.
Hope that helps!
This is 464. I think I'll add another paragraph, but i don't want to belabor the analogy.
Unfazed by its cries of 'adieu!' and "rendez-vous!"
I meant that the article listed English phrases borrowed from French. I compare the cries of adieu to the cries of an animal being captured. Throughout the essay I compare acquiring knowledge with hunting animals. Hope that helped!
Ah yes, that definately helps.
Maybe you don't have to add another paragraph, maybe add to the analogy of what you have already written. Add more "meat" I guess. I feel that if you add another paragraph you risk losing your great analogy.
Yeah that's what I meant. I have the internet with the french and the library with the speed of light. i think it'll be neater with three examples.
So I decided to go online and see if I could spot a fact.
pray prey
and absorbed it into my brain.
Very good!!! Thanks for this experience! Very good stuff here....
The newest member of my brain??? How weird and awesome....
Okay, discontinue this theme half way through and reserve the second part of the essay for talking about your plan, your intentions... which field will be your specialization? What do you want to do every day after you hear that alarm clock sound? End the essay with a glimpse into your future so that the reader knows what is at stake.
