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Essay about my ambition to become an Astronaut - Common app prompt Some students have a background,

Destiny 1 / 2  
Nov 9, 2022   #1

to become Space explorer

At a younger age, I had an avid interest in becoming a Space explorer. My interest in this field began after watching a documentary on the Apollo 11 Moon Landing Mission. I was so excited after watching this documentary. I started to picture myself dressed in a space suit and walking on the moon. First, I was curious about how Neil Armstrong could walk on the moon at a lower gravity level, but I found out he used Safety tethers which prevented him from floating in space. I started researching more facts about the Universe(Stars, planets, galaxies, constellations, asteroids, etc.), and the more I read about them, the more I became curious.

In high school, I began to read every book and article about space I could find. Learning about Space became my passionate hobby. I formed a small group for my classmates, who were also interested in space adventures. In this group, everyone is given a specific task to research and share with the other group members. The discussions helped me a lot as I learned a lot from them.

Along the way, I discovered my math and physics were not that strong, so I decided to take extra math and physics classes which will be helpful to me both in my final exams and my future career. Astronauts rely on math and physics knowledge to ensure a successful takeoff from Earth, expertly direct their spacecraft, and ensure safe docking.

I also got inspired by the work of some remarkable scientists. Tycho Brahe, a Danish Astronomer, was one of them. I am particularly inspired by his outstanding accomplishments because, as an astronomer, Tycho worked to connect what he saw as the geometrical benefits of Copernican heliocentrism with the philosophical advantages of the Ptolemaic system into his model of the universe, the Tychonic system. Another fascinating thing is he was the last of the significant astronomers to work without a telescope. Other scientists who inspired me were Nicolaus Copernicus, Johannes Kepler, Steven Hawking, etc.

During my last year in high school, I started to consider a space-related career field, either as an astronaut or a cosmonaut. In 2021 I watched an online video on YouTube called Mission Mars hosted by BYJU'S future school with guest speaker NASA Astronaut Scott Kelly. He gave a fascinating talk about how life was as an astronaut in space and his involvement in the experiment called the twin's study. His major speech was on the presence of humans on the International Space Station. His friendly humor and confidence in his work led me to consider studying engineering.

To find out more, I wrote to several engineering communities for more knowledge about the field. Per their replies, I discovered my passion for math and physics would be helpful in engineering. And also, as I research more intriguing topics in the future about Aliens, missions involving the perseverance rover on Mars, the existence of other galaxies, and so on. I naturally aim to advance my lifelong interest in space by pursuing a degree in aerospace engineering. And I look forward to working at one of the space agencies in the future.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,410 4391  
Nov 10, 2022   #2
Which actual common app prompt is this narration meant for? While it does have a central subject, the theme of the paper is all over the place. It appears that the writer is not really sure about what experience he wants to discuss and highlight in the essay. It is confusing to read because it contains a little information about everything that the writer deems important to his application, but does not do anything to actually fully inform the reviewer. As a backgrounder, it is too summarized to create a full personality / interest / study focus for the reviewer. It would do the writer well to decide what he wants this essay to actually focus on and build on that topic alone. The reviewer will appreciate a solid and well directed essay as opposed to an essay that only touches on a little of everything about the applicant.
OP Destiny 1 / 2  
Nov 10, 2022   #3
@Holt Thanks for the feedback
It's for Common app essay prompt 1, but I think I need to work more on this essay
bunikjun 2 / 3  
Nov 11, 2022   #4
Please try to focus on discussing what are your personalities or interest or plan. It is so general and too vague.
Alao0702 8 / 15  
Nov 11, 2022   #5
I would say that you should try to use transition words, such as moreover, in addition, however, besides, within paragraph sentences and when moving from one paragraph to another. This will help in the flow of your writing.
OP Destiny 1 / 2  
Nov 11, 2022   #6
@bunikjun and @Alao0702 Thanks for the feedback
I think I have to rewrite the whole essay once again

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