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Ambition describes me - UCF Undergraduate Essay Revision/Advice


nicolleperez 1 / 2  
Sep 9, 2015   #1
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
Your personal statement should be no longer than a total of 500 words or 7000 characters for both statements combined. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

If there is one word that could describe me, it would most likely be ambitious. I have always lived my life with a strong desire and determination to thrive. I want to succeed in everything that I do and be the best at it. I'm ambitious and set high standards for myself. I have always tried to live my life with this quote in mind by Mark Twain: "Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great." I always intend to satisfy high aspirations for myself in order to achieve.

I believe ambition is an important characteristic to obtain. A determined attitude can lead anyone to success and satisfaction. Zeal, being enthusiastic in pursuing a cause or an objective, is not only about dreaming to be on top of the world, it is to have the will and the courage to reach your goals in life. I display zeal by being proactive and taking advantage of my time. These skills go hand in hand with leadership. One must be a leader in order to continue on the path of success.

I can contribute these qualities to the UCF community in a numerous amounts of ways. I would initially join clubs and organizations within the university. If one person has the ambition and is willing to lead a group, there is no stopping them. Their drive to accomplish what they want to do will only get stronger from that point out. One thing I love to do is is volunteer and serve others. Volunteering is something I'm passionate about because it feels like I am contributing back to the organization, society and or in this case, the school. If I were accepted into this prestigious university, I would set time apart to volunteer and help out in whichever way I am needed. It is a wonderful thing being able to give back to others and I believe it is the right thing to do.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Sep 10, 2015   #2
I can help you with your with your essay. You could change the word order in the third sentence: "I want to be the best and succeed in everything that I do." The reader will know that you want both without stating "all at the same time". The next sentence, you can delete some words: in the sense that I raise the bar for myself . You could replace those words with "and set high standards for myself". This is another way to say raise the bar.

I would like to change how you give credit to Mark Twain. You should add his name after these words: "I have always tried to live my life with this quote in mind by Mark Twain: ..." I'm unsure if you are trying to use aspirations instead of the word goals. I would replace the word satisfy with "set" if this is the meaning you want to express. Also delete: and get to where I want to be .

The next paragraph you define zeal, but I'm unsure about the last part of the sentence. Are trying to state "to reach your goals in life"?

Rather than being all talk and no action . I think you need a sentence that shows how you display zeal. You could address that you display zeal by being proactive. It is a good way to state that you take action. Also, you need additional information so you can answer the prompt: How would you use your ambitious quality to contribute to the UCF community? Would you volunteer, become involved in leadership activities, etc?

I hope this helps!
OP nicolleperez 1 / 2  
Sep 10, 2015   #3
Thank you so much :) I really appreciate it!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 16, 2015   #4
- I'm ambitious and I set high standards for myself.
- ..but the really great make you believe that you too can become great."

- I believe ambitionbeing ambitious is an important characteristic to obtain.

- ...from that point outonwards .
- One thing I love to do is is( be mindful of your typo's, proof reading helps) volunteer and serve others.
- ...society and or in this case, the schoolinstitution .
- If I wereShould I be accepted into this prestigious university,

It is indeed the right thing to do, giving back to the community, to people and treating yourself with a good education and a humble heart is one of the best thing that can happen to a person. I hope the remarks I made help enhance your essay.


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