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'America, the melting pot' + 'The right college' - UCF application essays


ThreeFive2Hood 1 / 2  
Sep 23, 2012   #1
This is my essay to UCF. The guide lines are as follows. Essay: The personal statements are a very important part of your application. They assist the university in knowing you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement should be no longer than a total of 500 words or 7000 characters for both statements combined. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

#2 How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

A lot of people believe that America is a melting pot of diverse people, and for my family that is no different. As a child, I grew up in an environment with varying cultures and religions. To start, my father was raised in a Jewish family in South Florida. This is a stark contrast to my mother, who grew up in a Catholic family in Massachusetts. My extended family consists of a large diversity of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins ranging from Jamaican, Hispanic, African-American and Asian backgrounds. In addition to this, my immediate family traveled to China in 2008 to adopt a little girl. Being raised in a family with such diversity has been interesting and deeply influenced who I am today. I've been able to learn from many different people that I wouldn't have been possible otherwise. This has helped me to keep an open mind to others rather than judging them for their differences. I believe that this will also help me later on in life since I will need to interact with an assortment of different people. I am very grateful for this, as it has fueled my interest to travel the world and experience customs that vary from mine.

#3 Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

Picking the right college has a tough process. After reviewing all of my options The University of Central Florida seems like the right place for me. When I first started looking at schools I decided to stay in Florida because it was close to home, but far enough away to experience life on my own. During the process I toured several schools and narrowed down my choices. Every school had its ups and downs, but there was something about UCF that really stood out to me. UCF seems like a place where I can really grow academically. In hopes of attending medical school later on, the courses available will put me on the right path to do so. During my visit I got a good feel for the environment, and I think that UCF would be a great place for me to grow as a person. While visiting I got good vibes from the many useful facilities and the general appearance of the campus. The location was also a selling point for me because Orlando has everything I need to do well in school and have a good time.

VcP19 2 / 3  
Oct 5, 2012   #2
I think your first topic is very strong, and you gave good examples of your families influence on who you are. In fact, your essay actually helped me have a better idea of what to write for that topic.

I think your second one is also good, maybe not as strong as the first. "I got good vibes from the ... (etc.)" You might want to revise "I got good" to something more sophisticated. Everything else is good to me, good luck!
sstarfish117 1 / 5  
Oct 7, 2012   #3
#2 How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

A lot of people believe that America is a melting pot of diverse people, and for my family that is no different. As a child, I grew up in an environment with varying cultures and religions. To start (delete, not necessary), my father was raised in a Jewish family in South Florida. This is a stark contrast to my mother, who grew up in a Catholic family in Massachusetts. My extended family consists of a large diversity of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins ranging from Jamaican, Hispanic, African-American and Asian backgrounds. In addition to this, my immediate family traveled to China in 2008 to adopt a little girl. Being raised in a family with such diversity has been interesting and deeply influenced who I am today. I've been able to learn from many different people that I wouldn't have been possible otherwise.be more specific, maybe include an example/anecdote This has helped me to keep an open mind to others rather than judging them for their differences. I believe that this will also help me later on in life since I will need to interact with an assortment of different people. I am very grateful for this, as it has fueled my interest to travel the world and experience customs that vary from mine.

Overall, very nice response, be more specific as to how the intermingling of different cultural backgrounds made you a different person. Was there a specific instance that changed your persepctive?

#3 Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

Picking the right college has a tough process. After reviewing all of my options The University of Central Florida seems like the right place for me. (have a better ending, these kinds are too overused.) When I first started looking at schools I decided to stay in Florida because it was close to home, but far enough away to experience life on my own. During the process I toured several schools and narrowed down my choices. Every school had its ups and downs, but there was something about UCF that really stood out to me. (be more specific) UCF seems like a place where I can really grow academically. In hopes of attending medical school later on, the courses available will put me on the right path to do so. During my visit I got a good feel for the environment, and I think that UCF would be a great place for me to grow as a person.(more details of the environment and what you liked about it) While visiting I got good vibes from the many useful facilities and the general appearance of the campus. The location was also a selling point for me because Orlando has everything I need to do well in school and have a good time.


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