Unanswered [9] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES

Undergraduate   Posts: 5

My American teacher. UVA supplement essay, is this good?

daniel6shin 1 / 4  
Oct 15, 2018   #1
Any editing and advice would be much appreciated

to keep my pace

I was scolded by my American literature teacher for the 3rd time this semester. He had told me countless times to keep my pace when completing the reading assignments and literary projects, but I just couldn't help myself. This habit flourished in the 7th grade, when my language teacher had assigned us a book essay that would be due in a month. While others simply dismissed the assignment, scrambling around on the last day to complete it, I had finished my Tangerine review by the second day. It started out as a logical viewpoint for finishing school tasks, then it quickly developed into a habit. In my early years of high school, we were given projects, article reviews, essays, and presentations every month, and I would be told my teachers to take my time, again and again. I couldn't help it, I had reinforced the behavior so frequently, that assignments began pounding on my mind as time passed by. Once, only 5 hours after the assignment had been given, I spent the entire Tuesday evening researching why the "V" formation was crucial to the migration of birds. So it was ironic when the teacher decided to cancel the assignment and give us an in-class essay instead. Using the knowledge I had obtained the night prior, I focused my essay on the aerodynamics of flying in a "V" formation and got the second highest score in my class! I understand that it is not wise to distribute my time like this, but I reasonably utilize my time to meet more urgent matters before attending to long-term tasks right away. I intend to continue this trend of completing lengthy tasks swiftly but cautiously in college, so I can be productive with time and as a means to combat such taxing stress.
terminal28 5 / 31 5  
Oct 16, 2018   #2
Here goes my editing advice:

3rd third
couldn't could not help myself.
be repeated told BY my teachers ...
So It was ironic...or However, it was ironic (I am not sure that you can begin a sentence with "so")
OP daniel6shin 1 / 4  
Oct 17, 2018   #3

UVA quirk Essay about to turn in help

Please offer advice and criticism, not just grammatical error, should I scrap this? Do you feel like it fully answers the prompt? What can I do to improve?

my pursuit of a healthy lifestyle along with my awe of nature

I was sitting still in my room when I started hearing the growing pit-pat rhythm of the rain. That was my cue to put on my blue windbreaker and start jogging outside on the stony, dampened pathway of my soi (street). As I slowly started jogging, a sense of serenity and peace washed over me as the droplets of rain gently brushed over my stale body, an experience as soothing as it was vibrant. While others prefer the comforts and warmth of blankets, I've always embraced the rain with an open heart, immersing myself in the temporary aura of comfort it provides when I silently run while listening to the soft tunes of jazz music: a magical experience that is so often offered but taken so little.

For me, it is only in those rare moments that the piles of stress from relationships, academics, and personal struggles are washed away along with the flood of the rain. However, this euphoric feeling is temporary-the sun shines again and people come out and about, tending to the barking dogs and striking up amicable conversations with their neighbors. Still, I feel most comfortable when I run in the rain. It is when I feel most vulnerable and pure.

Jogging frequently in the rain can get me scolded, however, for I sometimes drip water all over the marble floor that my mom had spent an entire afternoon mopping, but the timely transitions of seasons won't enable this too much. It marries my pursuit of a healthy lifestyle along with my awe of nature to create something I have come to truly love and take as my own. Reading the unfavorable and unpopular rain in a positive light has been rewarding, giving me a unique sense of comfort that is seldom offered by life.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,660 1998  
Oct 18, 2018   #4
Daniel, this is definitely a quirk because most people would have more sense to get out of the rain instead of running directly into it. Consider further developing this quirk of yours by eliminating the reference to the end of the rain cycle. That isn't relevant to the quirk. Proceed with an expanded explanation of how and why you developed this love for running in the rain instead. That way you can explain the quirk in relation to a personal reason or event. Tell us what else running in the rain does for you aside from giving you a way to stay healthy. Maybe it gives you a unique way of introducing yourself to people, maybe people remember you because of it, anything that will make the reviewer understand that this quirk is special not only to you, but to the others you interact with. That way, the quirk becomes an asset instead of a strange thing that you do in your life.
Guest /  
Oct 20, 2018   #5
for the first essay, i think the third to last line " I understand that it is not wise to distribute my time like this" sounds kind of odd. you might want to change "not wise" to something else or rephrase it to "although this way of distributing time has brought me inconvenience..." or stuff like that so it sounds less conflicting to your next sentence.

I really like your second essay but I agree with the other person that you should talk more about how you have drawn other insights or inspirations from jogging in the rain beside giving you a way to stay healthy. tell about what you learned from this experience (like unconformity?) just make it as fancy as possible.

good luck on your college app i hope you get into UVA!

Home / Undergraduate / My American teacher. UVA supplement essay, is this good?