"some Americans had this impression of Africa" - Common App essay.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Did you have to learn English when you got here?"
"Do you walk naked on the streets in Africa?"
"Do wild animals walk around on the streets also?"
"Did you live in a hut?"
As a teenager, I never thought some Americans had this impression of Africa. Sometimes, I did not know how to answer the questions; most times, my reaction was to laugh hysterically at how ridiculous they seemed to me.

I arrived in the United States in March of 2006. I started as a freshman in high school in August of that year, and was extremely nervous - it ended up being the most annoying and humiliating year of my life in the United States. Walking into the school building with a jacket and book bag bigger that were bigger and heavier than me were the first mistakes that I made. Upperclassmen made fun of me. They made fun of my accent - well that did not bother me, because I was proud of speaking differently. Teachers also had a huge issue pronouncing my name. I thought to myself, "It's not that hard to pronounce. My name is one of the simplest names you could come across." I became the joke of the school, and still am after four years. Some people did not even try to pronounce my name, and would call me "The African girl" - considering the fact that I was the only African in my school.

Every day in school was a different experience. Either someone asks a really redundant question, or they make fun of me by throwing "darts" or pieces of paper at me, only to tell me to retaliate with a spear. I tried telling them so many times that I neither know how to throw darts, nor how to use a spear. Many jokes were said; things I did not even know about were used to humiliate me. I never showed how it affected me to people though. I just kept to myself all the time, and did not have many friends to share with.

Jokes were made about my clothes too; sometimes I would wear African prints to school look different. I looked different, but classmates thought I looked crazy. They laughed, and said so many mean things to me.

Thus, I tried to be a little more American. My mode of dressing gradually changed, though nothing was wrong with the way I dressed before. Today, I still wonder why I "conformed to my society". I became insecure because of what was said about me and my culture, and I became less proud of who I was in the beginning. Then I started to look like most girls in my school; I felt I was 'part of the crowd.'

Dressing differently did not stop the insults. Instead, they said, "She is trying to be more American." It then dawned on me that I should not change who I am, or how I dress just because certain people did not like it. It is my culture, who I am, and who I will always be.

Eventually, I made friends who appreciated me for who I am, and my culture. They also wanted to learn different things about Africa as a whole. The fact that they are my friends does not stop them from joking though - it is done all the time, and I just laugh with them.

So, how has this impacted me? It has impacted me in ways I could never imagine. I became confident about who I am, and where I come from. I do not care if people mock my accent; it is part of my being, and it cannot be changed. This sounds cliché, but I have found that you should accept who you are, because if you do not, then no one will.

I love your opening. you should also fix some things.



The words in red don't make sense.


Fix that, it doesn't make sense (grammatically).




how did you make friends? what urged you to find/make them? also, your ending is kind of weak.

There's also a few tiny grammatical errors here and there that you can pick out if you stick this in a word processor. (Sorry i'm a little harsh- I'm one of the editors of my school newspaper and i am a crazy proofreader).

Hope this helps!

Hi! Your essay was great!

However there are things you might want to change:

I made and carrying a book bag heavier than I was.
This line does not entirely make sense. Consider revising.

Also I feel your ending was weak.

I hope this helps!

Btw, can you help me with mine?

Thank you 4 d tips..

never, ever, ever admit that something is cliched... thats what all the reference books and how-to books i've ever read said :D