For Amherst's supplement it asks you to choose one quote, which I pasted below, and respond to it (personally not argumentative). I wrote about swimming and my struggle with it at first. Is it a good idea to start with a scene? Is there anything contradictory in the essay at all? Does it seem like a chore to read the essay? Is it even at all a strong essay and if it isn't how can I develop it so that it is? THANK YOU.
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''Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted.''
Attributed to William Hastie, Amherst Class of 1925, first African-American to serve as a judge for the United States Court of Appeals
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Eyes are drawn to the to the speck in the pool lane as it claws its way through the cold blue water, last to complete the lap. As it grasps the end of the pool, gasping for air, finished with its race, it looks around to the lanes beside it. It realizes that the others are not in those lanes anymore, that the others have already completed their race some time ago. As it climbs out of the pool, it looks at itself in the reflection of the water. It knows it must go back to the drawing board, that it must prepare once again for the next time it meets the water.
Prior to swimming, I had never experienced an activity that required such brute mental and physical strength. The pressure to beat the clock, to beat exhaustion, both mental and physical, especially for a seventh grader on a high school swimming team like I was at the time, was something I early on found almost unbearable. To survive in the pool each day was a struggle, with regimens filled with never-ending sets that totaled into the thousands in yards. That coupled with relentless swim meets, persistently testing my personal strength and resilience, made it even more difficult.
The strength to swim on with the team required much more than physical strength, it required mental strength. As one of the younger swimmers on the team, and one of the slower at the time, I found it hard to swim up to par with the others in the pool. Many times I questioned myself, as did many of those around me. I wondered whether this hard work was worth it, whether I could go on any further, whether I would improve and whether my hard work would go on noticed. But despite uncertainty hanging over, I continued forward. I knew I had to persevere, to prove to myself and to others that I had what it took to succeed. "Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat."
Serious progression in swimming would not happen overnight. It would have to happen slowly over time. I began to push myself, farther than I ever did before. I began to swim through the mental exhaustion, and personal dubiousness. Besides strengthening my mental capacity, I began to refine my swimming technique as I grew in level, and learn things I would never have learned had I abandoned the sport earlier on. Besides learning to swim competitively, which was my short-term goal, I also learned about leadership, and character from the others on the team.
Over time, my extra hours in the pool, and my push caught up with me, and I began to move up in rank with improving swim times. Over the years, I swam faster and faster, and earned position in more valued races. I earned respect from my swim mates and most of all, understanding of myself and my strengths along the way. Although I faced great opposition in the pool, and started from the very bottom, I struggled and climbed my way out to the top. Looking back, I feel pride knowing what I accomplished, and what barriers I swam through to get where I am now.
I found a run-on sentence! -----> The strength to swim on with the team required much more than physical strength; it required mental strength.
But it is not so bad, so if you submitted this already, don't worry.
I love your descriptions.
