Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


"Amongst the Mountains" - Common App Essay


pokeyno1 1 / 2  
Oct 17, 2012   #1
I'm not sure if the first paragraph makes it sound like I didn't really enjoy it.

It was only the fifth day. The previous night had been unusually cold for Wyoming in July, and the girl sleeping next to me had snored the entire night. I was tired and cranky. After finishing the standard breakfast of oats mixed with hot water, I was already anticipating the extravagant meal that was promised if we made it to the twenty-first day. Our instructors had told us that the one and only rule was: "Don't screw up and die". So that had been my goal every day. The physical tasks were grueling but had been anticipated. I knew that I was signing up for an outdoor adventure that would require living at 14,000 feet without modern conveniences, such as stoves, toilets, and cell phones. What I didn't realize was that my instructors were also going to challenge us to examine who we truly were. Through various questions we were asked to ponder, I came to understand myself better.

Before this experience, I would have described myself as a happy girl who thoroughly enjoyed going with the flow. I was honestly getting frustrated with all the girls in my tent who kept telling me to just let go and "live a little". I thought that if I could just be bolder, less methodical, and take more chances then maybe I would fit in better. But in all honesty, if I were ever to become fearless and "live" I think I would have to stop being me. I enjoy taking things slowly and making sure that everything is as close to perfect as possible. So what if I don't want to go streaking after everyone's gone to bed, which they did, and so what if I don't like to shout at the top of my lungs, which I ended up doing. That doesn't mean that I'm not living, but I guess sometimes it's okay to try something new.

Over my short time living amongst the mountains, I also realized that time flies by regardless of how much I want it to stop or regardless of how I much I wish I could stay in one moment forever. The clouds will keep rolling by and the world keeps spinning-life will always keep going. Just as people will blow in and out of my life like a gust of wind. Therefore, I need to make the most of every moment, every friendship, and every experience that I am fortunate enough to have. I think I've done a pretty good job of this so far. I have spent every summer outdoors, trying different camps, learning new skills, and meeting interesting people. My ideal place in the world would be on top of a mountain surrounded by other people admiring the view, breathing the fresh air, wiping the sweat from our brows after the rigorous climb. In the end, I didn't die, but more importantly I learned how to live.
andrewnreilly95 2 / 4  
Oct 17, 2012   #2
"Through various questions we were asked to ponder, I came to understand myself better." What questions?
I think you make some interesting points but there is a way to say them in a more refined way. Show them that you learned these things you don't neccesarily have to say what you learned. also the last line is kindof cheesy i would reconsider it.
OP pokeyno1 1 / 2  
Oct 17, 2012   #3
Thanks for the help


Home / Undergraduate / "Amongst the Mountains" - Common App Essay
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳