(Approximately 250 words.)
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
***I'm unsure whether the "community" that I chose is acceptable for the essay prompt. It's not really a community but I couldn't think of anything else I belong to, should I choose something else? Any tips to make this essay better? Also, my essay is currently 320 words, even though it says approximately I'm thinking that 70 words over is too much? Should I cut it down? What should I take out? Thank you!
Crash is the sweetest, most loving and trusting dog you will ever encounter. But you wouldn't expect that if you knew his past. At just a few days old, he was pulled, along with his mother and siblings, from one of Ohio's high-kill animal shelters. He was born blind and suffered from severe glaucoma, and he needed surgery to have both eyes removed because of the massive pressure placed on them by his condition. Despite his handicap he has always tried his hardest to keep up with his siblings, sometimes rather haphazardly, which is how he got his name.
I have always had a strong compassion for animals. In high school I began volunteering for local rescue organizations, trying to contribute as much as I could. A New Leash on Life is a non-profit rescue group that I have been helping out with most recently. They work hard to find adoptable animals the forever homes that they deserve.
When Crash came in last spring, the rescue made several efforts to try and raise the funds needed for his surgery. $1200 is a lot of money when you run solely on private donations, and have to simultaneously care for the 35 animals typically fostered at any given time. It took a several weeks, but finally we were able to help him.
Even though he's missing his eyes he is much happier and has since been adopted by a great family. While it was hard to see him go, its animals like Crash that make me so passionate about being a part of these groups. Being involved with animal rescue has affected my life so greatly that I've even adopted two rescue dogs of my own. I intend to be a part of these organizations for as long as I can because even though I cannot undo their past, I can be certain that I'm helping these animals have a better future.
I really like your take on the "community" - its different which is always good!
I find it hard to really tell you to edit anything out because everything you have here contributes to the story, but I think that if you just combine some sentences and change a few words you should be able to cut out some words:
1. I think you can afford to take out "most loving" since its slightly repetitive when you've said "sweetest"
2. change "which is how he got his name" to "giving him his name"
I know those seem like insignificant changes, but I think if you just make a few more adjustments, you can cut down the word count by a tad!
great essay! best of luck!
Thank you, I made those changes it helps cut a few words...
I'm looking for other words to take but I'm finding it difficult still.
How much over will be considered acceptable? I was thinking over 300 would be too much.
I also changed this part
$1,200 is a lot when you run solely on private donations, and have to simultaneously care for the 35 animals typically fostered at any given time. It took several weeks, but finally we were able to help him.
But still I am at 312
