Animal Shelter Experience- Common app short essay

"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)"

I run through the huge open field, panting and trying to keep pace with Bruiser, the old hound dog. With each sniff I am pulled in a different direction as he finds something new to track. On his walk he is full of life, but as we make our way to the backroom of the Second Chance SPCA, a change comes over him. He becomes sad and anxious, his cage no more a home to him then a small town is to a girl yearning for the big city. Some dogs adjust to the life of a shelter; others do not. These are the ones I am most drawn to - the dejected, lonely ones, who yearn for a family to give them freedom. I love these animals for the simple fact that they are the ones that need the most love. When I scratch that special spot behind their ears, I see their eyes light up. I know that in that instant, they have forgotten their unhappiness and have been given hope.

Any comments or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

The imagery in the beginning of the paragraph is wonderful! My only little problem is that the conclusion is not as strong as the imagery set up before. Perhaps, it would better if you transition into your job or how you deal with these dejected dogs rather than mentioning the momentary happiness they gain from a scratch behind their ear.

It's short and sweet. Really amazing although quite simple. I love the part when you told us about scratching the pet's favorite spot. Don't leave it out.

Haha I found your revised version better but I guess it just depends on the reader. Either way, your paragraph is very creative! Good luck!