Can someone please critique my essay? Is it a good essay? Also with grammar, I've been told to look for things that sound 'repetitive' and word usage to avoid using a particular word too much. Thanks in advance!
Essay title: Anonymous Donor
Who is a person that inspires? Some people chose a famous figure, a fictional character; or a family member, as the most influential person in their life. I prefer to stray from the norm. The person who is my greatest inspiration to me is someone I have never met. I do not even know her real name or what she looks like, but I do know she has given me the most important piece of advice I have ever received. I met her on an internet forum for prospective college students and consulted her about a personal goal. I never found out her real name, but I will forever remember her by her online screen name, "Lady_Shahdie".
It may be strange to think that someone could be influenced so greatly by a person whom they have never met. When I have face to face interactions, I do feel that they are more intimate. However, I believe that the exchange of information should not be limited by the accessibility between people. Everyone has something that they would like to say, and it does not matter which medium they convey it through. Knowledge that is shared through copper wires is no different than knowledge printed on text paper. When I am on the internet, I like to read about random bits of information and engage in conversations with fellow web surfers. It is from one of these internet users that I received the most meaningful advice I had ever been given.
Before I first spoke to Lady_Shahdie, I had always viewed goals in the "big picture." It would always be about what the end result was, and I would always meticulously plan out every step of the way in careful sequence. However, I would quickly find myself too weary to accomplish the goal; planning for the destination had already deterred me from even starting the journey. That is when Lady_Shahdie came to my rescue with her sage advice I have ever been given. In a discussion we had concerning my struggle, she said, "It is not the destination, but the journey that brings one happiness in a task." She may or may not have been an English major at the time, but until then I had never once thought about taking my time and really enjoying what I was doing. The way I saw it, life was a grind with set deadlines for everything and the only objective was to make it to your desired end result before you got left behind. Lady_Shahdie taught me that I needed to live in the present. In retrospect, I see that her words of wisdom can be applied to nearly everything I have done in my four years as a student of Watchung Hills Regional High School from academics to sports.
I have never met Lady_Shahdie in person, and I am aware the chances of me ever doing so are slim to none. But the advice she has given me will forever be embedded in everything I do. She taught me how to live my life one step at a time. For me now, it is not about what I want to be when I grow up, but instead it is about how I am going to get there. Her guidance has instilled this sentiment in me: if I do not relish every moment, large or small, that leads up to the culmination of my dream, I will have wasted my time in pursuing that ambition.
"I prefer to stray from the norm."
I'd prefer you let the reader come to that conclusion rather than you telling me.
"In a discussion we had concerning my struggle"
what struggle...?
since you have to turn it in tmr, this is all i can offer.
best of luck!
...I never found out her real name, but I will forever remember her by her online screen name, "Lady_Shahdie".---You already mentioned that you did not know her real name.
You have a great theme in this essay. It reminds me of a book I once read called The Path is the Goal.
You know what I think would be best? You should not write that first paragraph about her. You should write it about the concept. The essay is really about the concept. I know it is supposed to be about her, but your theme is great and it is still about her even if the first paragraph is about that concept.
However, it is good to have this online version be all about her, because she will probably do a search for her screen name some time and find you here. :-)
Capitalize Internet.
