hellomoto 3 / 10 Dec 30, 2008 #1Hi,I think ive nailed down the grammar etc. I was wondering what you guys thought of the content. Does it have enough specifics in it?Here it is:Nanotechnology is a fascinating topic. The ability to control how atoms arrange to create matter is an exciting concept. I wish to learn more about the subject and eventually understand it. Therefore, I would like to do research with Professor Karen Winey. Although I enjoy learning within the classroom, I find I get the most benefit out of projects and academic activities. As a result, I am intent on doing research to supplement my classroom education. My physics teacher has a poster that perfectly words my interest in conducting research, "Tell me I forget, show me I remember, involve me I understand." I selected Professor Winey because she is an authority on nanotechnology, and conducts research regularly. In addition, her research is innovative and useful, especially her manipulation of SWNT's, which could lead to the creation of material tougher than Kevlar. Finally, conducting research with Professor Winey would give me valuable exposure to chemical engineering.
sportsguy884 3 / 10 Dec 30, 2008 #3your information about the professor is very vague and you seem to dance around the subjectif i were you i would try to be more specific about why her in particular and and maybe explain a little more about the swnt's
sportsguy884 3 / 10 Dec 30, 2008 #5you are welcomedo you think you can take a look at my professor essay?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491 Dec 31, 2008 #6Sounds good. You have plenty of specifics. Your sentences tend to be all of the same length, though, especially at the start. You might want to vary them somewhat.Also: "Tell me, I forget; show me, I remember; involve me, I understand." Note the changes in punctuation.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Dec 31, 2008 #7Finally, conducting research with Professor Winey would give me valuable exposure to chemical engineering.Yes, and maybe you could be more specific about this part, above!:)