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Short Answer: Running, my heavy breathing


plittplatt11 5 / 29  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Breathe in, breathe out. Pick up the right foot, now put it down. Relax. Remove the tension building in your shoulders. Work up this hill. These are some of the simple thoughts that stem from a simple activity - running. For me, running is the most basic and yet complex activity I perform in a day. As I propel myself over the dirt path and up steep inclines, I find my mind wandering, thinking about upcoming tasks or a nagging stress. As my pace falls into its steady rhythm I am able to discharge that stress, and prepare myself for the day. I turn at the mid-point of my run, noticing the changing leaves, and head for home. Only when I arrive do I stop, and upon hearing my heavy breathing I walk inside, ready for the day ahead of me.

What do you think?
Hannover96 4 / 17  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
I really enjoyed the imagery, and everything seems to be grammatically correct. Only a couple suggestions; maybe mention that running is something that you can take anywhere you go? Emphasize the point that perhaps it keeps your mind and body active simultaneously?

I know you have a character limit, but putting an emphasis on the transcendence of running throughout your life and linking it back to academics might be appealing to colleges.

Also, "I turn at the mid-point of my run, noticing the changing leaves, and head for home. Only when I arrive do I stop, and upon hearing my heavy breathing I walk inside, ready for the day ahead of me." Seems a little off. I might write it like this; "I turn to head home at the mid-point of my run, noticing the changing leaves. and head for home . Only when I arrive home do I stop, I hear my heavy breathing I walk inside, and know that I am ready for the day ahead of me."

Anyway. Very nicely written. Good luck!
Some help on one of my essays would be greatly appreciated! :)
brookelanae 7 / 15  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
Fantastically written. The only thing I would consider to improve it is to maybe make running an analogy to another, more significant part of your life? Either way, it would be sufficient. Good luck. [:
Hannover96 4 / 17  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
oops. I meant "I hear my heavy breathing as I walk inside."
OP plittplatt11 5 / 29  
Dec 30, 2010   #5
Thanks guys! I really appreciate it!
peachyreese 2 / 9  
Dec 30, 2010   #6
I like how you portrayed your inner thoughts while running. When you talked about changing leaves, it seemed kind of random. Maybe you could connect to how you're like the changing leaves after you run and how running changes you? Nice essay overall!
tiffany17 1 / 7  
Dec 30, 2010   #7
nice!! i can relate because i am a runner too! i agree with brookelenae .you should connect this to another significant part of your life.
ibemonkey 4 / 7  
Dec 30, 2010   #8
I loved this. The beginning was attention grabbing and it made me feel as if i was running
jjcorea 1 / 2  
Dec 30, 2010   #9
honestly, don't people write a lot about running? (cross country, track team)

I think if you could, I want you to aviod cliche
yadda514 4 / 16  
Dec 30, 2010   #10
very nice imagery, i would maybe create more of a run in the college campus
also what is the question

thanks for helping me on my northwestern essay :) really appreciate it
mariatateno 6 / 35  
Dec 31, 2010   #11
I read something very similar to this on another site.
Colleges will check against sources on the internet so be original.
hpnhxxwn 1 / 1  
Dec 31, 2010   #12
Wow~~fantastic!! I think not many students in my institute write this topic.
but if you can relate your life, it might be nicer. What do you think? ^^ a small suggestion.
Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 31, 2010   #13
replace your with my shoulders.

For me, running is the most basic and yet - after you remove and, add a comma after basic

As my pace falls into its steady rhythm, I am able

I turn at the mid-point of my run and notice the changing leaves, content, I head for home.

nice visualization.

Please read my returning to life of academia essay but scroll to the bottom. It is only 117 words.
em2always 15 / 79  
Jan 7, 2011   #14
You seem like a really talented writer, I would love to see your edited version if you have time to post it


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