Is this essay specific and does it reflect my aspirations to those of the university?
NYU Abu Dhabi is a dream come true
Tall palm trees, round shaped tops and heaven reaching skyscrapers, a combination of the Arabic and the modern picturesque and a revelation of the commitment the university has to integrating the diversity of the world.
Being amongst the most diverse group of peers at NYU Abu Dhabi will not only enable me to interact with many cultures but also learn about the various problems in the world. The will in turn help me shape my views and transform my perspectives to become a better global citizen. (Something I had learned during the door to door campaigns I conducted in my home village-that our actions affect others either in a bad way or a good way) who is engaged and knowledgeable about the world.
The biochemistry courses that I will take as chemistry major will help better understand the interconnection of multiple disciplines so as to apply the vast broad knowledge into solving today's problems. They will be a backbone in my field of interest of drug discovery and eventually pioneer the field of ''Made in Africa' 'Drugs. This will be in collaboration with the state of art research facilities available at the university.
I look forward to work in the Dore laboratory with Professor Timothy Dore. Developing innovative tech that will help us understand better our biological systems especially the brain, an interest I developed while working with autism children.
In addition, I am passionate about of issues of children. Having worked with them in various fields, I see myself working and partnering with the global TIES children to help improve the vulnerability of children in the poorest parts of the world where I happen to come from. Hence exposing them to a better future and enable they reach their full potential.
I really want to spread the knowledge of science around the world and Africa in specific. So being part of the Fikret Science Club will be a perfect opportunity help spread the joy of science.
NYU Abu Dhabi is dreams come true. I imagine myself laying down on the highline holding conversations that are diverse, or quietly reading a book at the rooftop amphitheater at a place I will come home for the next transformative four years of my life
No. This will not catch the attention of the reviewer because you totally skirted having to respond to the prompt question. You could have just taken the opening presentation from a YT video of the university, where you merely gave a physical description of the surroundings without any reason that connects that to the education you will be receiving. There are only 2 aspects to develop for your essay response. You can build a more appropriate essay by focusing your presentation on the following:
- The biochemistry courses ...at the university.
- I look forward to work in the Dore laboratory ...autism children.
- I really want to spread t... being part of the Fikret Science Club ...spread the joy of science.*
*How does the Fikret Club translate to spreading the joy of Science? Does this have an academic or professional relevance on your part? If so, please explain to further clarify your paragraph.
Only the aforementioned parts of your original essay need to be developed for the response question. These are the main reasons why you chose to seek acceptance into NYU-AbuDhabi. The choices cover your academic and professional goals, build the new essay from there.
Your essay is commendable. However, there are a few things that you can improve. Firstly, you have discussed more about NYU Abu Dhabi and have related a little with your past experiences. If you can mention some of your experiences in regards to biochemistry courses, biological systems, or resolving children issues, and then relate that inspiration to NYU AD offerings, it would make a good impact. And yes, the introduction is a bit dramatic and does not relate well to the overall theme of your essay.