Hello again,
This is the Brown Supplement. Please critique it and I will critique yours too.
Thank you
One thing that bothers me is the amount of questions in the first paragraph. Do you guys think its too much or is it a good way to convey the message?
What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why?
"Close your eyes, and look"
You mean literally?
How I am supposed to do that?
Look through my eyelids?
No. What my mother meant was to close my eyes and look not onto the world but into myself; gaze into the chambers of my heart and look through the windows of my soul. What do I see? Do I see myself? Do I know who I am? I am proud of my actions, are they filled with righteousness or deceit? Have I tried my best? These were the questions interconnected with those words. Never did I grasp the full significance of them. But slowly, I am beginning to extricate the enigma planted in them.
In no time, these words became a part of my life. And no such advice has been able to affect me to such lengths. When I look at myself, I want to see someone who has no regrets, someone who works diligently in every aspect of life, and someone whose actions are committed with virtue.
The presence of my mother, and the wisdom that comes along with it, has shaped who I am. Those words have turned into advice that will continue to guide me through my journey in life. But it is up to me to interrupt them.
There are several events in my childhood that would never have come to fruition if I never tired. For instance, something as small as making the Rep team for hockey seemed like I was reaching for the sky. But during the summer, before hockey tryouts, I poured my efforts to improve my skills, my stamina, and my game. Then come tryout time and I made the team! The training that summer was rigorous and I had to forgo my other activities because of it. But I asked myself, "If I don't at least try, am I going to regret this later on in my life". And the answer was just a plain and simple yes.
By interrupting the words of my mother correctly, I take a closer step towards a life filled with ethics. And I recognize the power instilled in those words and will pass them on to others. Whenever I see my peers say, "Wow, this is just way to hard so I am not going to do it", I explain to them the words of my mother. I ask them if they are ready to give up without trying. More importantly, I ask them if giving up is right.
To believe that five words can have such a profound effect is somewhat far-fetched. But I am living proof of it. As I continue to grow and learn, the advice from my mother will always be by my side. Nowadays, every time I close my eyes, I am able to see a bit more than before.
I actually really like it.
I think that it sounded really great.. but it did sound a little cliche at the end. Maybe talk about how this advice will specifically help your studies at Brown if you were chosen. If you are a bit more specific, it might help. Also, how was making the rep team for hocky a "reach for the sky"? If you explain how specifically it was an obstacle for you, it might be a lot better.
