I need serious help with my self-introduction essay. I had a written piece but I was sudddenly not satisfied with it.
the new one I wrote is kind of inadequate, so I want to ask if ANYONE can understand what I am trying to convey.
If not, then I may have to rewrite it. so, here goes.
Optional short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.
My teacher once told me an "Ant Theory". Scientists found that in a swarm of ants, 25% were the diligent ones, 25% were the idle ones, and the others were in between. But when the top 25% of the hard-working ants are gathered together from different swarms, they form the same distribution of the 25-50-25 law. Despite their diligence in their former environment, some excel, while some worsen.
I strive to always be in the top 25% of the ants, and I know that only through perseverance can this ambition be achieved. I am proud of crashing down, proud of struggling, and proud of fighting the battle that no one thinks I can win, because I know that my indomitable attitude is the best weapon I can equip myself with. Although I know that some efforts are eventually in vain, I always bear in mind my favorite words from the movie 'Three Idiots': Chase excellence, and success will follow!
okay, and then my why penn essay is not looking so good either
my biggest worry is that I may be too general, does this look like a bad start already?
My dream has always been to step into the international world, and I assume it is because of the two years I have spent in Virginia during my childhood. The experience triggered my strong desire to reach out to the world, and Penn seems to be the perfect fit for me. I am convinced that Penn's expansive view and abundance of obtainable resources will cultivate my global perspective.
(p.s. I'm an international student)
I know the writings I put up here is not good, and PLEASE feel free to criticize it.
I really need the help, and thanks in advance!!
Hello,
I think the problem with your short essay is you used up almost half of your allotted space to describe a theory and you did not deal with any specific incident.
Then to the second essay: Why do you want to reach out to the world? Do you have any particular goal? If so, start with it.
And finally, do help with mine. :)
yup, the word limit is really bugging me!
but I see your point, and I'll work on it, thanks :)
does this look better?
My dream has always been to step into the international world. Because of my inexplicable fascination with different cultures, values, and languages, the passion is like an instinct, and has accompanied me for many years. Due to this interest, I have discovered some global issues which are yet unanswered. In order to approach the matters with better authority, I am determined to become a more influential person. Luckily, Penn, with its expansive view and abundance of obtainable resources, provides the perfect condition.
sure, I'm not an expert, but I'll do all that I can!
I am an extremely persistent person. My friends sometimes find me weird; unable to understand how I can work on a math problem for hours. But I find pleasure in the things I love, and it is a natural behavior to strive for the things I feel passionate about. I have big dreams, and the paths I choose are usually thorny, but I am proud of crashing down, proud of struggling, and proud of fighting the battle that no one thinks I can win. I know that my indomitable attitude is the best weapon I can equip myself with, and the glory of living up to my beliefs is the best way to nurse my wounds. Although I know that some efforts are eventually in vain, I always bear in mind my favorite words from the movie, Three Idiots: Chase excellence, and success will follow!
this is what it now looks like, crticism please?
OK,
I think you got a head start with your 1st essay. I must say, well done and continue with that paragraph.
On the second essay: I think it's better than the last one. Still I suggest you remove the name of the movie and just express it as your favourite quote. I don't see any reason to include a movie here but the 'quote'. And I think the essay is a 'go'!
:)
