Anticipated major: Applied Economics and Management (entrepreneurship concentration) - LEGOS essay

Cornell prompt: How have your interests and related experiences influenced the major you have selected in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)- Cornell

My Primary Choice College/School:Agriculture and Life Sciences

Anticipated major: Applied Economics and Management(entrepreneurship concentration)

NOTES: Unfortunately, I don't think its unique enough/ too much tell, not much show. Ending could use a bit help. Can anyone help me with my grammer/ word choice as well as edit/ add/ delete anything that seems wrong/ could be better? I didn't want to really name many programs at Cornell business school and how they will help me because it is not part of the prompt. All I did was tell the story of my experiences in business, and why it powered my passion for entrepreneurship, and then wrap it up with saying "Oh how much I love Cornell and what I might do there/ why I would fit" in like a couple sentences. I also wanted to make my identity online confidential.

My interest in applied economics and management, specifically entrepreneurship, started when I was in third grade. I rounded up kids in my neighborhood to create a lemonade stand to raise money for our "toy fund." In middle school, I negotiated with Yu-Gi-Oh card dealers at my local gaming store to sell to the students. When I entered high school, I took my interest in entrepreneurship to a whole new level by creating my own business.

"Borderline obsessive" would be my description for my passion for collecting Legos. Through my hundreds of hours scrolling through online Lego databases and retailers, my ability to recognize any Lego set's manufacturing year, price, and theme on the back of my hand is one of my proudest quirks. After amassing a Lego collection that spread across the basement floor, I had a desire to showcase my work online. With a click of a button, my first YouTube channel was created.

After watching a few Lego videos on YouTube, I was inspired to create videos of my at-the-time meagre Lego collection in order to gain some attention. I realized that for many YouTube Lego fans, it was not the videos about Lego sets that were the most interesting, but the Lego minifigure collections. These minifigures, less than an inch in size, were quite costly and sought after. Sensing an opportunity, I decided to dedicate my freshman year building a business by selling Lego minifigures.

It was at this point that my YouTube channel was not doing so well. After struggling for the first three months due to a lack of video views, I realized that I had to come up with a fresh idea. I put in extra effort by meticulously painting custom Star Wars minifigures to sell and review online. Although painting each minifigure was painstaking work, I was able to gain subscribers and revenue by reviewing each minifigure, and then immediately selling them above their usual price. This process would be the beginning of my prospective career on YouTube.

My interest in business soon matured after my initial success with my custom minifigures. At thirteen, I had no job, and I was ecstatic about my first profit. Realizing that this was what made me tick, I endeavored to increase my video views and sales. Using my negotiating skills, I purchased bulk minifigures far below market price from international distributers on Bricklink and other sites. Working with other YouTube entrepreneurs, my videos on custom minifigures and collections attracted thousands of subscribers and millions of viewers. I have since gained skills regarding setting up a small business and found monetary success over the last four years. What had started out as a summer project has become my pride and passion.

Because of my experiences, I am fascinated by entrepreneurship. Finding business opportunities and ways to tackle problems excites me. My Legos have provided me with the building blocks to my future, developing my business skills and ability to create networks. However, I plan to pass on my torch of business knowledge to the communities that I will belong. This year, I have created my own Entrepreneurship Club at school in order to unify my passion for business and for bettering others by teaching students how to build their own start-ups. Now as walk this path to business, I plan to give back to the community.

At Dyson, the AEM program would provide me an opportunity and environment to pursue my greatest interest. Dyson's AEM program meets everything I have been looking for, such as classes on pre-startup skills to management theory, which would allow me to garner the skills necessary to create and manage a company successfully. I would also be able to work on my start-up while continuing my education. My competitive edge would be stimulated with competitions like the Cornell Venture Challenge and the Big Idea challenge. I look forward to finding the right business team synergizing with them by combining our skills and creating startup companies at the Cornell Entrepreneur Organization. All my experiences, combined with my passion for business, will help me grow as a student at Cornell.

Hello! You have a very interesting story that demonstrates your experiences with business. Your essay could be improved by talking more about the emotional aspects of your work, taking your passions and butting them in a business setting. Also, talk more about what you plan to use your business for, your end goals (any form of community service in mind?). By the way, I am also applying to Cornell so best of luck!

Thank you for looking at my essay! Your essay is quite solid and I liked how you tied in your channel. My only suggestion would be that you could add some sentences or phrases that demonstrate your knowledge of Cornell and what makes this school pertain to your interests. Maybe find a way to tie your story and something that Cornell could offer you.

Wow, good essay!

Consider changing


to "When I entered high school...".

Just a few eensyweensy grammatical errors because I'm picky:
My interest in applied economics and management...started ever since I was in third grade. --> "...started when I was in third grade."

" I realized that for many YouTube Lego fans, it was not the videos about Lego sets that were the most interesting, but the Lego minifigure collections. "

"Realizing that this is what made me tick" --> "..this was what made me tick"

"My burning desire" a bit cliche...you want to stay away from these types of phrases.


This portion seemed a bit redundant. Maybe delete or rephrase some of these words.

Except for at the beginning, you don't really mention your major (applied economics and management). You keep talking about the school of business, which is fine, but you need to sprinkle more of your actual specific major in the paragraphs.

Overall, I loved your obvious character development. It was really interesting to read. Good work!

Look at mine?:)

I like the overall of your text.. it is really unique and it certainly has to do with entrepreneurship. However, I agree with grcpark7 when she said that you should talk a little bit more about the major your interested, specifically on this school. If I were you, I would delete some portions of the text bcause even though the story is interesting and unique, you spent a lot of time talking about your entrepreneurship inclination, rather than saying what really makes the College of Arts and Sciences at Cornell University appealing to you. I would expand on the (HOW CAN/ SHOULD I ADD ANY OF THIS) paragraph and link sprinkle more of your actual specific major in the paragraphs. I would focus on WHY Cornell, rather than spend the whole essay talking about your fascination for Legos and your youtube channel! It is a great topic to talk about and an awesome way to catch the reader's attention, but keep in mind that whoever reads your application will be looking for your interest at Cornell, specifically...

great job and I hope this helps

So should I include the last paragraph in the end? And I should try to focus on the major itself rather than the school/ school of business, right?

You should take out the parts about the school of business in your last paragraph (if you want to keep the last paragraph) and substitute them for more stuff about your experiences that led to your major, and like Charphil said, why cornell.