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UC Prompt 1; Anyone who looks around Santa Barbara can see that it's a natural paradise


flyingmonkey 1 / -  
Nov 27, 2012   #1
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Anyone who looks around Santa Barbara can see that it's a natural paradise. No matter where you are you are surrounded on either side by beautiful oceans towering mountains, and never ending trails. The wilderness is neverending, and can be explored for hours on end. It is greatly cared for by many local inhabitants.

Nature has always been a part of my identity and my family's identity. The outdoors were one of the few things that my family had in common; spending time in the mountains, rivers, and on trails were some of only things that we could do peacefully. Camping was a regular weekend activity which meant that I spend a large portion of my childhood in Santa Barbara's mountains. Being in this beautiful rich environment allowed me to play and explore. I learned how to trap, fish, build fire and shelter, and be at peace with the silence and solitude the natural world provides. The wilderness became a teacher; showing me how to control myself as well as how to better live my life to serve the world instead of myself.

The more time I spent out in the mountains surrounding my home the more I realized that not everyone loved the forest like I did. It was a harsh realization that not everyone was like the people inside the bubble I had grown up in, that not everyone cared about others and the world like I did. I was determined to end up as someone who did care which became harder and harder given the challenges that seemed to constantly appear in my life. Growing up in a home with a war traumatized, abusive father tried my character daily; at times making me want to give up entirely. But even through all my hatred for him I was still devastated when he passed away. This shocked me- after every ounce of pain, both physical and emotional, he had caused me I was surprised that I missed him. I realized that this was because I had learned through all my time in nature to weight the good more than the bad: the death of a grand tree allows light to reach weak seedlings.

I have a drive to help people, I do not want anyone to have to go through the trials that I faced. I don't want my children to live in fear like I did, I don't want any child to live like that. I want to do whatever I can to help people and prevent that anger from ever reaching another child.
chingchong 2 / 4 1  
Nov 29, 2012   #2
Your essay is really good, I like your whole nature concept. However you're a bit redundant and repetitive in some of your sentences you might want to revise that. For example:

"never ending trails. The wilderness is neverending"
Also I think you're example of your father is a bit too negative, try a different approach and then also elaborate on your dreams and desires, they want to see how the nature aspect has influenced you specifically.

By the way i love this quote: "the death of a grand tree allows light to reach weak seedlings."
Good luck!
ryanefendy 2 / 2  
Nov 29, 2012   #3
Are you just applying to Santa Barbara ? If not you should not make your essay so specific and design only for Santa Barbara. You should make a generic essay that will works for all the campuses in UC.


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