I'm looking for some feedback on my supplement response. Any input given will be graciously rewarded with power, untold riches, and some input from me on anything you need help with.
Prompt: Please write a brief statement that addresses the following: Given your interests, values, and goals, explain why Oberlin College will help you grow (as a student and a person) during your undergraduate years.
I decided on Oberlin during winter break of 11th grade. Unsure of what to pursue, I searched for a place where I wouldn't get lost in the endless bustle of college life, have ample academic and extracurricular opportunities available,and even have a little fun while doing so. Oberlin proves to be exactly that, a small school that offers a fulfilling and meaningful college experience. Something about the school drew me in; the allure of the unknown enticed me. I spent my every moment obsessing over the college as if some dormant symbiotic relationship had awakened. I tried to immerse myself in all that is Oberlin, yet I hungered for more. I wanted to experience it firsthand, but it was beyond my grasp. I wanted to be an Obie.
I undoubtedly chose Oberlin for its dedication to academics. Not only does a Liberal Arts college offering an course selection rival to that of a larger university sound like a godsend, but like most, I hope to one day finish my schooling with a graduate degree. Knowing that most undergraduates go on to pursue such a degree reassures me greatly. Oberlin's strong sense of community and dedication to diversity were also key decision points. Attending will give me the chance to meet people whom I would normally never think of meeting. The constant exposure to a wide array ethnicities, cultures, beliefs, and opinions will most likely leave a lasting impression and influence the type of person I will become. Oberlin isn't my first choice just for their academics and diversity however; I am longing to become part of the Oberlin Tradition. Whether dressing in drag, taking an ExCo class on Smash Bros. game theory, or even going to commencement in wizard robes, I'd genuinely appreciate all four years of attendance.
When asked by anyone where I'm applying to college, I get excited to tell them that my first choice is Oberlin: an anything but ordinary college in the middle of Ohio. Fifty years from now, when asked the same question, I see myself, grey hair and all, getting just as excited to tell of my glory days at a college in the middle of Ohio.
I like it a lot. Maybe not end with "A college in the middle of Ohio" I'm sure Oberlin is not the only college in the middle of Ohio. If you want to end it without just saying "Oberlin" named a VERY specific trait that only Oberlin has to offer. Other than that, it was great!
I spent my every moment obsessing over the college as if some dormant symbiotic relationship had awakened.
i spent my every moment doesnt work. make it "i spent every moment i could" or "i spent all the time i could"
I tried to immerse myself in all that is Oberlin, yet I hungered for more. I wanted to experience it firsthand, but it was beyond my grasp. I wanted to be an Obie.
here after the oberlin, i think its better to make it - " but despite all my investigations, I remained hungry for more." and then finally change the wanted to want and make it "i want to be an Obie."
I know this is late, but its on time if you are applying RD and you have not given any indication so i thought i could help.
