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UC App, USA & Vietnam (world you come from) + "my own spot" (personal quality)


bbtl05 3 / 4  
Nov 18, 2010   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My world is huge and widespread. I have lived in Kentucky, Guam, and Hawaii, and have been shaped by all three different cultures.
I am the United States of America and Vietnam combined, quite literally. My father's family is from Pennsylvania, Kentucky, and Tennessee. They have been in America for countless generations and are even undocumented descendents of an American Indian tribe in New York. My family in Kentucky is the epitome of the southern family, and I spent my first five years soaking up the southern hospitality. I was born in Georgetown, Kentucky, a small town about an hour away from the nearest big city. I lived with my parents and grandparents on 11 acres of farmland next to two cattle and horse farms. It was a peaceful life; the only sounds outside were the sounds of the creek, the breathing of horses, and the occasional putter of an old pickup truck. My family is very close. This environment instilled in me the value of love and compassion. I was taught how to treat another human being with decency and respect. They showed me it is never acceptable to renounce morals for material goods.

When I was a toddler, my parents divorced, but my mother stayed in Kentucky to keep me close to the family. When it became too much of a hassle to continue living in Kentucky, she moved us to Guam. There, I was surrounded by Vietnamese culture; my grandmother was born and raised in Vietnam. My grandmother is a self-made millionaire, in both Vietnam and America. My grandmother lost everything she owned when she fled Vietnam during the Vietnam War. She was moved to Guam, and made her money over again, by herself. She literally went from nothing to everything twice. She instilled in me the value of hard work. I work three jobs now, by choice, because I want to be self-sufficient. If I spend money, I'd rather it be my own. I am less willing to spend on material things I don't need.

We made the move to Hawaii in 1999. What makes Hawaii so magical is the extreme focus on acceptance. We have "aloha spirit," meaning that we don't really discriminate. Life is laid back and relaxed. We are aware of race or sexual orientation, but I find that people in Hawaii don't really act upon those distinctions. I naturally look past these things now because it was never emphasized in my youth.

I have wanted to be a doctor since I was six years old, although that fluctuated between President and astronaut as well. However, physician was the only career that stayed with me past elementary school. I have always been interested in science; my favorite show growing up was Bill Nye the Science Guy. This wasn't a realistic dream for me, however, until I entered high school. In high school, I become conscious of the amount of work I would have to do to get a medical degree. Four years of undergrad, medical school, residency, and, my "inner grandmother" realized, I'd have to be able to pay for those years of schooling. I find the human body so interesting, however, that I am completely willing to work through twelve years of college payments in order to reach my goal of graduating medical school. I can only live the life I want if I am willing to work for it.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

This past year, I was on the track team. I had previously done long jump and triple jump, but I wasn't passionate about either. I felt like the other athletes in my event had an advantage because they had been jumping for several years, whereas I had only just begun.

My junior year, I decided to try something new. Pole-vaulting is not a popular event in track at my school; there are maybe five girls participating per year. I wanted to try this event because I figured I would get the most individual training because there were so few participants. I was extremely intimidated by the thought of flinging myself into the air, supported only by a one-inch wide pole. The returning vaulters tried to walk me through the steps, which are more complicated you would think. As you count your steps according to a pre-set rhythm, you have to simultaneously position your pole to a position on your body in accordance to the step you are on. For example, at step three, your pole should be near the middle of your stomach and your hands should be in the process of lifting towards your ear. I had an difficult time mastering these steps. I would consistently almost fly into the side poles because I was so afraid of pole-vaulting at full speed. I couldn't get enough momentum to fly upwards. I didn't conquer this fear until the season was half over, and the championship meets were starting. I was placed on the JV team because I could only get over very short heights. My record after the JV Championship meet was 6 feet. I was really disappointed that I couldn't do better. I told myself that I had to overcome my fear because I wouldn't be able to do better if I continued letting fear control my performance. I knew my game was completely mental and I had to change my ideas. The next week, at the Varsity Championship meet, I got over 8 feet, high enough to qualify for the State Championship meet. I was beyond excited because I had never gone to a State's meet. I had earned that spot entirely on my own.

I work through problems by changing my mindset because I realize that though I cannot change the situation, I can change the way I look at it. I don't mope about hardships because I know that solving the problem will give me much more satisfaction than giving up. I believe that being successful is based almost entirely on what you believe you can do.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 19, 2010   #2
It was a peaceful life; the only sounds outside were the sounds of the creek, the breathing of horses, and the occasional putter of an old pickup truck. My family is very close. This environment instilled in me the value of love and compassion. I was taught how to treat another human being with decency and respect. They showed me it is never acceptable to renounce morals for material goods.---- I really like this part. Very inspiring.

I have wanted to be a doctor since I was six years old, although that fluctuated between President and astronaut as well. ---------------very interesting, after becoming the doctor you still can make your way to the White House...ha..ha...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 27, 2010   #3
For the first essay, you should not let that intro para be only one sentence. Expand it to be a whole paragraph so that you can make a good thesis statement about the dynamic combination of families... what can be said about it to sum up your message to the reader?

In the second essay, the opening sentence is boring and weak. :-) I suggest replacing it with a sentence that grabs the reader's attention, makes an impression, demands respect!

That first paragraph fails to catch my attention. What is the main message to the reader?

Before you take action, consider your purpose. Before writing an essay, decide what experience you want the reader to have.

My junior year, I decided---Add "during" to this. During my junior year, I decided...

:-)


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