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App personal Essay - My vision - faith journey


wntjs92 1 / -  
Mar 10, 2012   #1
We would like to learn more about your faith journey!
Messiah College is a Christian college of the liberal and applied arts and sciences whose mission is to educate men and women toward maturity of intellect, character, and Christian faith in preparation for lives of service, leadership, and reconciliation in church and society. How have you prepared for and how do you expect to work toward fulfilling this mission as a student at Messiah College?

(name), is my name, which means gift from God. Believe it or not, God has named me through my parent's dream. As I grew up, I've always wondered what my name meant. Yes, I was aware of its meaning, but why did He wanted me to be named that? Was it just because every child is a gift? These questions were spinning in my head when these words came to me. What role does a present play? It delivers happiness and joy to people. At that moment, I could see myself being sent to people to give and share the gift from God.

As a missionary kid, I have had the chance to encounter numerous people in different situations. Many were struggling spiritually and physically. My parents could help them spiritually but couldn't give much help for the other. Villagers around the church were mostly of secluded, poor people. As it was, many of them each carried sickness. Expensive hospital fees prevented them from getting proper treatment, which eventually worsened their conditions. A grandmother with cancer could not get proper treatment due to expensive hospital fees. One young man lost one of his arms due to a minor accident, which only needed minor treatment to be cured. One old man was living alone in a garbage house when his families all left him when he succumbed to palsy. There are countless people like this here. There are many doctors here, but it was hard to find who cared for the isolated. As I saw these people, I thought deep down in my heart that someone should help these people. Then I heard inside me say, "well why don't you become that someone?" Since then, I've always dreamed of working in health professions one day, to help and care for these secluded people, sharing them the Good News from God.

However, things were not easy. I had nothing. The odds were stacked against me, but I did not stop dreaming. As I served here in ____ with my parents, I learned the most valuable thing. Jehovah-jireh. God prepares. Looking back, it is truly miraculous how God leaded our church to this day. My parents had nothing in the beginning. They just followed what God instructed, and did their best in each circumstance. Comparing how our five members of family and a few worshiped with a guitar under shabby curtains, church at present have grown a lot by God's grace. Moreover, God has opened the hearts of church villagers, who were not pleased to see Christians. Eventhough it seemed that nothing was working at first, God was preparing everything before us. Although it might look impossible at present, I believe that God will lead me because he gave me this vision to serve his people. I'm excited to see how God will lead me where his plan lies.

As I was praying and searching for colleges, God had showed me Messiah College. I want to be well prepared not only intellectually but spiritually to serve God and His people. I believe Messiah College will help me thoroughly to accomplish this goal.

English is not my first language... so I had difficulty writing this
Help me edit this please :) thanks

dreamer 3 / 18  
Mar 10, 2012   #2
Hello! :)
Lovely essay girl, you should give a pat on your back for writing this and if you didn't mention it, I wouldn't have known that English isn't your first language! Haha.

Here are some comments:

These questions were spinning in my head when these words came to me. - It's not clear what the words were. Are the words in your next sentence? If they are, then you should do something like this: .. the words came to me: "...."

As it was, many of them each carried sickness. - sounds a little awkward. Maybe reword it: As it was, many of them suffered with sickness.

A grandmother with cancer could not get proper treatment due to expensive hospital fees. - A bit of a repetition with the 'fees' and 'proper treatment'. Maybe mention specifically what treatment she needed for her cancer?

There are many doctors here, but... - There are many doctors available, (try to not repeat the word 'here' again)

...find someone who cared for the isolated.

As I saw these people, I thought deep down in my heart that someone should help these people. - Try to reduce the repetition: As I saw them suffer,...

Comparing how our five members of family and how only a few people worshiped with a guitar under shabby curtains, the church at present have grown a lotsignificantly by God's grace. Moreover, God has opened the hearts of church villagers, who were at first, not pleased to see Christians.

...look impossible at present now,...

Don't worry - these are minor corrections in your essay. Your story is there, and your heart is there. It comes across clearly. :)
Hope I've helped. All the best!
ujax 4 / 15  
Mar 10, 2012   #3
Well written essay, I love the personal anecdotes. Try to make it a bit more concise and clean it up a little


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