Hi everyone,
This is my application essay for undergraduate application in Computer Science, Is it acceptable for personal statement?(its structure and length) . Please consider I'm changing my field from Architecture to CS. I really appreciate your comments .
I was born into an intellectually successful family. In this family, my older brother and sister where great assets to me and encouraged me to try my best in all aspects of life. Consequently I managed to receive high quality education both at school and at University. I currently hold a diploma in mathematics and physics from one of the best schools in Tehran and a Bachelor degree in architecture from the most prestigious school in the country at the University of Tehran.
Academically, I always enjoy solving mathematics and physics' problems and my curiosity for these subjects helped me prosper in these fields. I chose to take up mathematics and physics as my main major during high school and my grades verify my love for an educated lifestyle. In those days, my brother bought our first family computer and I became familiar with the computer's world. Initially I didn't show much interest in computer as I dedicated my time merely to preparing for the competitive annual university entrance exam in Iran called the Konkoor. Among a million candidates for this exam, I acquired an outstanding result placing me in the higher to 5 percent of all participants and I started to study bachelor of architecture at the University of Tehran.
Studying Architecture had a lot of efficient impacts on my life. There is creativity in this major and it could fulfill my need of learning and solving problems which I always have. However the more I understood the world of Architecture, the more I doubted whether it's less logical and mathematical vibe can form the basis for the career I anticipate as a professional. It was so that I began incorporating computer aided design in my architectural practice at school which actually brought out the better in me as an architecture student. As my first attempts, I started making posters and some graphical works with the computer and I found it full of advantages. I could do my architectural assignments faster and with better quality by computer. Step by step, I started to learn various software related to architecture including 3dmax, AutoCAD, SketchUp and Rhinoceros. The aid of the computer opened up a new meaning within my academic life and although the architectural assignments occupied most of my time as a student, I still tried to free up necessary time to get more acquainted with the benefits of computers.
Studying in one of the best universities in Iran helped me to become familiar with so many talented and intellectual people who helped me in both architecture and computer. One of my close friends is a programmer; he was a wonderful motivation for desire to learn about computers. All this circumstances persuades me to continue my education in this field.
After graduation I made decision the to be more thriving in my new desired domain, so I started to learn some programming languages like Python and C# by myself. Moreover, I attended C++ classes and hold the certificate of this language. I found all these programming languages so interesting and coding simple programs became so intriguing to me
After living in the United States for years I have seen how fast the technology is developing and how I can simplify and make my life and others better with the computer. The computer always puts forth a better alternative for getting work done; as essential fact in modern life. Therefore, I plan to continue this major academically in Philadelphia where I live now.
In conclusion, I am very positive about the path that I have now started. I have plans to continue my education after finishing University College, in the master of computer science and I 'm going to work in both field of architecture and computer. Connection of these two domains can have effective influence on my professional life. I am optimistically looking forward to the decision of the admission committee.
This is a great essay in my opinion. I do not know much about computer science, but it really portrayed to me that it is something you are passionate about and would be good at. There are several grammatical errors that I see here. When is this essay due? I do not mind going through and fixing some of the errors, but it might take me a day or two to accomplish that.
