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My Application Essay for Fashion School in New York


fashionista28 1 / -  
Jan 26, 2021   #1
Hello, my name is Chloe and this is my Application Essay for the Fashion Institute Of Technology in New York!
I am applying to "Advertising And Marketing Communications".
I'd love to have some feedback on what you think of my essay.

Thanks so much in advance!

(also mine is only 549 words should write more? the prompt does say "no more than". what do you think?)

PROMPT:

What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT?


Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? The essay is also your chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities, and accomplishments. (No more than 750 words, please.)

It's true that I have moved eighteen times before I was eighteen myself-Canadian born, but I have lived in cities all over such as Toronto, New York, Miami, and Vancouver. My father is in Canadian business, and my mother grew up in New York working in the Hospitality industry while raising a family. Growing up we moved coast to coast, living in several cultural and diverse cities. As a result, I have been lucky enough to experience the loud world of fashion. I strive to bring new ideas from different perspectives and improve myself, the institution, and others around me. In my youth, I was influenced by the latest models, looks, and overall best trends. From living in different cultures the different media and fashion highly affected my style in every city for which my love for Fashion was born.

In 2020 I worked with entrepreneurial luxury asset managers in Miami. The skills that I observed and obtained truly showed me that I enjoy the environment of fast pace business, but it was not the niche of business that satisfied me. When I think about what genuinely excites me is the bright, ever-changing world of fashion. The Fashion Institute of Technology is the ultimate dream.

Through the styling of clothes, I enjoy expressing which version of myself I choose to be. Creating the image you want others to perceive is a game we all play, technically a career many have. The major I am applying to - "Advertising and Marketing Communications" -is the best possible stepping stone to launch myself into the career of my dreams. Quite frankly the perfect mixture of my passion for business and my love for fashion. My perseverance to become an insightful, well-rounded student is what makes me the perfect candidate for FIT. I recognize that this degree will shape my ideas, hardworking abilities, and dedication. I plan on applying to extracurricular activities and internships during my studies- well truthfully what will be available due to COVID-19. I aspire to be a stand-out student at FIT.

Since I graduated in 2019, I have had time to sit, ponder, and recognize what will help me find my purpose, career, and be able to work and still pursue happiness daily. I've recently started writing a blog to begin my social standing and establish the content I crave to create. Samantha Jones from "Sex and The City" may have a large role in my aspirations; she was quick-witted, had amazing style, and didn't care what the world thought of her. My goal after attending this institute is the path of Public Relations. Although there is still a buffer as to the exact "career of my dreams", I am extremely confident that through the experienced and knowledgable professors at FIT, I will be guided to where I will find success. My creativity, drive, and enthusiasm for fashion will only continue to improve through taking the vigorous classes that FIT offers.

Finally, I chose this institution to apply to because when I read about FIT I became instantly consumed as it aligns with everything I believe in and strive to be. There is not another school that has made me feel like college is the right choice. I believe I am the perfect fit that FIT needs.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3351  
Jan 26, 2021   #2
You should definitely write more since you still have the space to do so. The essay was fantastic in terms of introducing who you are to the reviewer, although the first sentence tends to be choppy and a bit difficult to understand (you can revise that for clarity purposes), the "perfect candidate" part is where you kind of fell short in the presentation. You were off to a good start towards the end of your essay when you said FIT aligns with everything you believe in and strive to be. Then, nothing. You stopped talking at the most important part of the essay. Proceed with the discussion. What does FIT stand for that you also represent? What values, beliefs, or core foundations do you share with the university? How do these information help make you the perfect candidate? Expand the discussion points. It will help give the essay a more complete feel and actual response to the primary question being asked.


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