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UF Application: "My graphic design class - an influential experience."


kdav55 1 / 2  
Oct 24, 2009   #1
UF Prompt: "In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service."

I'm fairly proud of the essay, but feel that some of the sentences are very awkward - any help with that or on the grammatical error front would be much appreciated! As well anything else you'd like to comment on, of course. Thanks so much in advance!

My essay:

When I was young my family purchased our first computer. It was an average machine for the mid Nineties, but it had so many interesting features. What had always interested me most was the Paint program and the endless amount of art you could produce. However, programs changed over time; much like me and my growing interest in digital design. Eventually, I entered high school and my Graphic Design class, taught by <teacher's name>- the most remarkable and influential class that I've had the pleasure of being enrolled in. It's helped me learn much more than just Graphic Design; it has helped me learn how vital hard work is to succeeding, and how to manage my time effectively.

I have had the class in its various course levels throughout my High School career, and as a result have a large portfolio of work to show for it. As I look back on projects from years and even merely weeks past - whether it's designing a magazine cover in Adobe Photoshop or a logo in Illustrator - I can enjoy how much more I have learned about the subject since the project's completion. Over time, and with much hard work I have been able to improve through the course. It has influenced not only my designs, but also how I look at assignments in other classes.

Although it is not a class which produces work that can be quantified into a numerical score, <teacher's name> always encourages each student to work to the best of their ability and to try new creative ideas that, when coupled with basic design principles, can culminate in results that are practically professional in quality. However, the course also teaches you to be responsible for your project and manage time wisely so that you can complete all of the assignments needed. It has been an experience that has taught me how to take responsibility for my work, as ultimately your final grade depends on how much effort you put into each project - a statement that is applicable to all other academic subjects.

Many years after my graduation I will remember my Graphic Design class and all of the memories and experiences that I have gained from it fondly. The lessons that I learned in the class are ones that will remain with me for the rest of my life, and will help to set the basis for a variety of possible career paths.
OP kdav55 1 / 2  
Oct 25, 2009   #2
Well, I've revised it and had to add a few sentences when I realised that with the revisions I was a little bit under the minimum word count of 400 words. Can someone tell me if they think it still has any blatant flaws? Thanks!
dtkgray 1 / 2  
Oct 25, 2009   #3
There is no minimum word count for UF just a maximum character count, so you dont have to worry about being under 400 words as long as its less than 3885 characters.

admissions.ufl.edu/ugrad/personalessay.html <--- it explains it on this website
jean253 2 / 9  
Oct 25, 2009   #4
Your revisions are coming along nicely, but I would like to suggest a few things. In the first paragraph where you placed the first semicolon, I don't think it belongs there. When you use semicolons the sentences should be complete sentences that can stand by themselves."much like me and my growing interest in digital design." is not a complete sentence. The sentence can be used with a colon like this: However, programs changed over time: much like me and my growing interest in digital design. colons are less restrictive than semicolons, but you can also revise the whole sentence to: "However, much like me and my growing interest in digital design, programs changed over time." But I think using a colon is more effective. It's up to you. Also, I'm not sure if this is exactly wrong but where you placed the "-" before the word "whether" and after the word "Illustrator" does not seem like it belongs in formal writing. Maybe replace the "-" with commas and it will work perfectly. Furthermore, this seems a little awkward to me: "- a statement that is applicable to all other academic subjects." Maybe revise it to: "It has been an experience that has taught me how to take responsibility for my work. As with other academic subjects, ultimately your final grade depends on how much effort you put into each project." Lastly, I must apologize for my suggestion for my previous suggestion on the sentence containing the word "fondly." This word actually belongs before the word "remember." Other then that, everything looks great to me. Good luck!


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