Application Essay: "One thing friends don't know about me"

The secret project, an entrepreneurial program for Aboriginal youth, was saved on my laptop, away from the curious eyes of my friends and family. Improving Native-Canadian communities is one of my hidden endeavors that I will reveal only after I have translated my passion into progress.

I was designated by a law firm to attend a conference on youth justice. At the conference, I met students from across Ontario, many of whom lived on Aboriginal reserves. I became friends with them and learned about the lack of opportunities in their communities. One of my new friends told me that only two students graduated from their high school in ten years, and the majority either drop out of school or are incarcerated.

After meeting Reza Satchu, founder of The Next 36, at a charity dinner, I became enthralled in the idea of building my own entrepreneurial program tailored for Native youth. The program will help empower them at a crucial period of their development and decrease drop-out rates and incarceration rates dramatically. Furthermore, Native youth have strong ties to their communities; when they succeed as individuals, they will most likely return to their communities to improve the lives of their families and pave the way for the next generation.

I have been in touch with charitable organizations such as the Ontario Council of International Co-operation discussing the possibility of initiating this project with donated funds. Although my project is still in its nascent stages, it's a vision I'll inevitably fulfill.

Your work was great.
But there are some points you should make clearer or add more.

Does it word limited. If it not, should include some ideas here.
- Tell the readers more about what you have done. I see you tell us many things about the others lacking of opportunities but not tell much about your job.

- What do they feel when they receive your help?
- what do you feel after you give them some help?
- Why do you have to keep it as a secret? Why do your friends don't know about it? Why are you telling us this but not your friends?

- After you write this essay, do you want your friends know about this or don't you want to?

Amazing Work ! I am a high school student who wants to pursue Electrical or mechanical engineering at Purdue Next year.
Please look at the Last essay I just posted its about engineering and my future
thank you

Amazing Work ! I am a high school student who wants to pursue Electrical or mechanical engineering at Purdue Next year.
Please look at the Last essay I just posted its about engineering and my future
thank you