Application to Summer Program (@MIT, process similar to MIT application)

This is more of a set of paragraphs, pretty much disconnected from each other. I'm looking for ideas to tie them together. I appreciate any and all comments you have for this essay (another way of saying you can be as harsh as you'd like in your review).

What extracurricular activities and/or hobbies demonstrate your interest and ability to undertake scientific or mathematical research? (Give some measure to the extent of your participation and/or accomplishments in math or science competitions, research internships and awards received.)

Neuroscience is an area in which I have a deep interest and won second place in the New Jersey Brain Bee. I also won a gold medal in Forensics at the New Jersey Science Olympiad competition. The SkillsUSA Tech Prep competitions that I have participated in have allowed me to explore scientific research and its community value, while working in a team. For one of my Tech Prep projects, I investigated the development and applications of the liquid suture Dermabond by talking to experts in the research field of that product. The project won a state competition and received an honorable mention in a national one. I also completed a project in which I closely surveyed the causes and possible treatments of autism, getting information from experts in the field. This project won second place in a state competition.

I had an internship this summer with Dr. Diego Laplagne (an independent researcher at Rockefeller University) and have continued my research with him into this year. We are doing work with adult-born neurons in the dentate gyrus of the hippocampus. More specifically, we are trying to demonstrate that there is a relationship between learning/memory processes (such as operant conditioning) and these neurons. The goal of this study is to train mice through operant conditioning with stimuli in order to determine the circuits that adult-born neurons are involved in. The stimulus in this conditioning process is the excitement of the adult-born neurons in the hippocampus (using fiber-optic stimulation of the channelrhodopsin-2 protein). The response we expect to get after training is a nosepoke and a sugar pellet is given as a reward. This summer, I started working in partnership with Dr. Laplagne in designing and carrying out the above experiment. I was responsible for taking care of and training the mice, in addition to writing computer programs to control the behavioral apparatus. I also performed perfusions, assisted in stereotactic surgeries and sliced brain tissue. From my summer working in the lab, I feel I have truly developed a passion for research. Every day, I came to the lab before 8 in the morning and returned home as late as 9 or 10 at night. Many times, the trials I ran produced no evident result in terms of the experiment. But if it did not result in a successful experiment, my experience in the lab gave me various skills and manual dexterity. I am now excellent in handling and caring for mice, stereotactic surgery in mice, slicing brain tissue with a vibratome and perfusions.

I have many hobbies, but my favorite one, by far, involves a little black notebook. In it, I note down as many of the questions, thoughts or ideas that I have. After that, I research these questions by reading books, papers and the wealth of information online, and, more importantly, my teachers, parents and even professionals in the field. I call this notebook my Question notebook, and spend at least an hour a day filling it. My Question notebook, most of which consists of questions concerning science, has taken me on journeys on subjects as diverse as astrophysics and botany. I think it has helped to solidify the interest I have in scientific research.

is this an extra-cirricular or hobby?

Woah, slow down! One thought at a time. Let's cover neuroscience before we move on to the brain bee.

Okay, for everything that comes before this part...For one of my Tech Prep projects, I investigated the
I think everything that comes before that could be expresses in one long sentence in which you list these awards you have won, and express the idea that you have been trying hard to excel in these areas for a long time already. Simplify it, and make it straightforward. Then, after that impressive intro sentence, describe the tech prep project:

For one of my Tech Prep projects, I investigated the...

Okay, yes, I see what you mean about it being a whole lot of ideas without much organization. So... when you put these together, think about CONCENTRIC CIRCLES. In the very center, there is the main idea for the whole essay. That idea should be stated in a single sentence at the end of paragraph one. It does not have to always be that way, but this is a nice way to do it.

When you know what the main theme for the whole essay is, put it in the form of a sentence, and put that sentence at the end of paragraph 1.

:-)