motivation for your desired course
In relation to your academic interest and personal experiences, please describe your motivation for your desired course. You may include information related to your preparation for the course and related academic achievements. Please state your goals while studying at Seoul National University as well as your study plan(4000 bytes limit)
I will always remember the first Kpop music video I ever saw that left me knowing fashion was my future, but before then had never truly considered a career in the industry. I was blown away by the fact that it is common for men in South Korea to wear makeup, paint their nails and dress fashionably on a daily basis. A year later, I was astonished by the versatile designs from the Seoul Fashion week 2019 published in the Vogue magazine. How can someone be comfortable and fashionable at the same time? How can someone pull off baggy clothes so well? I fell in love with the Korean street fashion culture and knew that Korea was the place where I belong.
There is a deep-rooted problem within the fashion industry: Gendered clothing. Why does pink refer to girls and blue refer to boys? Why do people shame boys for wearing pink and not girls for wearing blue? Manufacturing gender-neutral clothing is the key to the deconstruction of these gender stereotypes. I want to be a part of creating this new industry. I want to be the one that spots upcoming trends and brings them to life but in a genderless category. I want people to be aware of the fact that crop tops, dresses, skirts, high heels and many other clothing pieces are not limited to females only. Everyone is allowed to wear whatever they want to. Let us create a brand where there will be no gender, racial and size boundaries, it will be raw and real. "Fashion is all about appreciating it's true artistic aesthetic and busting all the myths"
I enjoy a good amount of time throughout the day, watching Youtube videos and listening to podcasts about fashion: the industry's increasing influence feels unreal. Also, I have my own channel where I express my passion for fashion styling and daily lifestyle. Over the quarantine, I took online courses such as Korean language, Photo and Video editing, Fashion drawing, Luxury Brand Management, Digital marketing and Graphic design. Throughout these courses, I've learned and developed different techniques such as being able to draw basic fashion figures, edit photos and videos, and understand basic Korean. I had an opportunity to intern in a digital marketing startup which gave me the chance to practice my business skills.
Once I get accepted to the school, my goals will be taking part in clubs, activities, internships and competitions as much as I can and learn from them. The curriculum taught at SNU will open many new doors on its own, but combined with the atmosphere of the city that is much safer for girls, I have a greater scope in career and future goals. A city that never sleeps will guide me to explore new areas of research in the fashion industry. Studying in a different country will help me become more independently active and create a functional network at a multilateral base. It will let me use my conceptual and quantitive skills, opening channels in the industry to work for the defined cause. There is nowhere better to be for me!
I see myself as a responsible student who is organised and adaptable, and I firmly believe that I am academically suitable for this course. I will consider it as an honour to learn from outstanding professionals with sophisticated experiences in the real world and grow as a professional myself. I'm confident that I will live up to the high standards set by this prestigious university.Hello, here are some grammar mistakes I found:
Sentences here lacks some words, or need to be revised:
I will always remember ... knowing fashion was my future(?), but before then I had never truly considered it a career ...
I will consider it as (to be) an honour to learn ....
... throughout the day, watching Youtube ... fashion.:the industry's increasing influence feels unreal.→ your topic sentence seems to be unrelated to your context below. Consider rewriting it.
The sentence here might be unclear, which I cannot understand the meaning of it:
How can someone be comfortable(?) and fashionable at the same time?
Hope these comments helps!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,819 
4781 You should reverse the opening presentation. Start with the motivation using the second paragraph, then present the first paragraph regarding the influence of Korea in fashion and how it motivated you to become part of the industry. It would be better if you do not tell the reviewer that you had no interest in fashion at first, nor did you consider it a possible career choice for you. That would be a negative representation on your part. It may appear that you are not really interested in the course and could change courses midstream. Always make sure that your excitement and interest in the course you have chosen is within its strongest possible presentation.
Do not use cliche phrases such as "City that never sleeps" which, by the way, describes New York, not South Korea you are attributing the phrase to the wrong country and city. Also, you do not present a study plan in the essay so you should work on that. The study plan is related to your thesis paper which is a requirement for your graduation. It can be changed later on if you wish, but the reviewer needs to see that you have a clear plan of action as a student within your application.
