"apply it to society" - Stanford Essay Questions

For the first question, I don't know if I am properly addressing the prompt. It says "experience" which is what I described but I don't know if it really cuts it...please help:

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

When I was working as an intern, I was told by my supervisor that "you can be the smartest guy in the world, but if you can't apply it to society, you're just as dumb as the next guy." That is what I believe intellectuality is. When I participated in a 3D Design camp over the summer, I was able to experience this belief. My team was instructed to use CATIA, a 3D design software, to develop an F-22 Raptor, a U.S. fighter plane. Upon its completion, the wireframe sketches we made resembled a picture of the plane. But something was wrong... I stared deeply into the computer screen. My pupils widened as the pixels on the screen vibrated in my eyes. Then I had an epiphany- why were we designing this? Why does anyone design or create anything? What good is an invention if it can't be used by society to benefit the world as a whole? I realized that's the ultimate, continuously running goal of the world- help society help itself. Innovation truly is nothing unless it helps millions of people live and breathe. In this case, planes needed the wheels to utilize hydraulics to sustain itself during the impact force during landing. Yes, the design wasn't actually going to government headquarters but what if it was? The way it was fixed at this point, the plane would stumble into its landing, slam onto the ground, and possibly concuss anyone on board. I modified the constraints to the design so that, during implementation, the bottom portion of the wheel leg would utilize hydraulics and shift up into the upper portion to sustain plane balance. Moreover, the constraints allowed the wheels to fold up into the plane after takeoff. Now the plane could actually function in the real world, helping U.S. citizens fight for their country- and that is what is truly important.

I do think you described an experience, but I have the same criticism for you that a friend gave me on this essay: you focus too much on the background. Of course, background is good and necessary, but you leave your moment of greatness a mere two sentences in your essay! I think you should try and go over more of your thought process, and show that to the reader. Show you this was truly YOUR idea, and that it was creative/inventive!

Good luck!

Personally, I like it a lot more. It is a bit over the top in some places (in my opinion), but I think you've definitely made a step in the right direction. One thing that I'm a bit unclear on - the F22 raptor is already in existence, correct? So, you're making a model of it using 3D (CAD?) software? If so, maybe you should say that a bit more explicitly - that part confused me a bit.

Stanford Supplement Intellectual Vitality- essay choice Help, Urgent

So I had an original essay for this topic, but I made a new one for another college and thought if I modified it to fit this topic, it might work. Can you tell me which one you prefer?

1:

When I was working as an intern at Xnth Engineering, I was told by my supervisor that [...] READ ABOVE

or

2:

We are all living inside a bubble. What bubble? A motivational speaker helped me discover it.

Stretch your right arm out in front of you, he said. What was I doing? I didn't know. But, hypnotized, I did it anyway. Twist your body all the way to the right without moving your feet, and mark how far your right hand reaches, he continued. The hand was on its own. It rotated slowly around, slowly around, until it halted. I tried to go farther. No more, I heard. Who said that? Before I could figure it out, the man spoke. Now straighten yourself, close your eyes, imagine you are on a cliff, struggling, barely hanging on. I shut my eyes. I was there. I was on that cliff. I could feel the hot blood oozing out of my fingernails. I could see the top of the cliff. I reached. No. Couldn't get it. This was life and death. I had to want it. I saw light above me. Try harder, I told myself. Determined, I used all the strength in my body to push off the cliff, fly high, and reach for the stars above me. I grabbed the top of the cliff...and the scene was gone.

I opened my eyes. To my astonishment, my hand reached out a good few inches further than the previous spot. How? All it took was determination. The first time I did it, my body told me I couldn't go further. A voice inside my head told me I couldn't. "Odds" told me I couldn't. But I realized that I am the master of my own body, my senses, and that evil voice inside my head. Nobody can tell me what I can't do, especially not myself. We are only limited by our own imagination, our own determination. We are all living inside a bubble. A bubble that confines our imagination. The bubble is made by people, things, and situations, telling us we can't. We must overcome our doubts, our hindrances, our demons; we must pop the bubble.

---

Thanks for your help.

1! 2 is more of an experience being described

Oh I forgot the prompt:

Tell us about an idea or experience you've had that you find intellectually engaging.

So it does say experience can be used. But the first one is still better?

I personally like the second one. The first one is good as well, but I think the second one shows more maturity, and it shows that you're open-minded and willing to take risks and learn new things, which is what I think colleges like to hear. They're both very well-written and I can't think of any improvements...they're perfect as they are. (Just one grammar thing though: " Stretch your right arm out in front of you," he said.)

If you get the chance inbetween answering your essay prompts, I'd appreciate it if you look over mine. See you at Stanford! (Hopefully)

I loved the second essay. It was very visual and I felt like I was sharing the experience with you. Definitely use the second one.

Thanks. I think I'm going to use the second one.

You're completely right. Haha, the second one is more real and personal. Mind stimulating too =) number two is the winner!

I go with the second one. Better in all aspects.

GOOD LUCK!

Can you check mines please??
All are for Stanford...Thanks..