Applying to nursing school, BSN

Bachelor of Science in Nursing entry

I need help in shorten my statement to 500 words, at its current form is 656 words. Your help is much appreciated. Thank you.

Personal Statement - Your personal statement should be approximately 500 words in length. Your statement should address the following:
(A) Describe your perceptions and attitude about nursing today. In your answer, identify current information about the field of nursing including the demands, expectations and career options.

(B) What do you believe are the demands of a nursing education and how have you prepared to make this significant change to your current situation?

(C) Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the University learning community in terms of diversity, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

As the oldest of five siblings, and being raised in bilingual household with a disabled stroke survivor (my grandmother,) I was often tasked with their cares and clinic visits, which involved me explaining medical cares to my parents, while at the same time calming them. The numerous medical settings and interactions had given me the opportunities to observe and appreciate the high level of compassion and attentiveness of care provided by the nursing staffs. In my observation, patients experience more one on one interaction with their nurses than their doctors, thus nursing often bridge the communication gaps between patients and doctors. The nurses meet with doctors and case managers to assess the care plan for their patients, and then they proceed with the help of nurse assistants and sometime other nurses to ensure optimal cares. I identify myself with the same inclination to help others, and to aid their healing process when permitted. On a basic level, I provided cares for my family were similar to those of a nurse, and that's why the nursing profession would be the right choice for me. The prospect are high as there's high demand for nursing in the medical fields. Whether in pediatrics units, maternity wards, surgery operations, or emergency rooms, nurses have ample opportunities to practice their craft.

Beside the two years I volunteered at various hospitals, I've been working as a nurse assistant on the neuro-ortho trauma floor at St. Anthony hospital for the past year. Being responsible for 12 patients on a daily basis, while it can be overwhelming at times, have taught me that safety is paramount in providing patient cares, which requires me to effectively prioritize, multitask, and be a team player. My time assisting the nurses also taught me that the fast reaction time of a skilled nurse is critical in ensuring the safety of both patients and medical staffs, whether by spotting troubling signs quickly, administering an emergency injection, or being able to properly defuse a dangerous situation with therapeutic conversation. Their ability to remain calm and rational during an emergency stemmed from their medical knowledge and quick thinking skills, which were honed through years of nursing school. Thus, I understand that beside the inclination to help others, I also need to apply myself to the intellectual pursuit in the nursing profession. The intellectual demands of nursing won't cease after I attain my bachelor in nursing, I still have to keep pace with advances in medical procedures and medicines. I'm confident that my intellectual ability and work ethos are up the rigorous requirements of nursing school. I also understand that the nursing profession can be mentally and physically demanding, with the long 12 hours shifts and sporadic schedules as the norm, but I also experienced firsthand the satisfaction of caring for someone and witnessing their recovery, such rewarding experiences outweigh the stressful demands of the profession.

In my clinical experience as a nurse assistant, my patients come from a multitude of ethnicity and backgrounds. Being raised in a bilingual household, I'm aware of my own cultural practices and beliefs, and they don't necessarily have to be similar to those of my patients. A few months ago, a nurse had asked me to aid with her Vietnamese patient since there was a language barrier hampered her efforts. My fluency in Vietnamese was able to ease our communication and our shared cultural background provides relief to her anxiety. Yet to believe my own cultural background is beneficial in my personal and professional relationships, necessitate my own appreciation of others' diversity. This appreciation of diversity allows healthcare professionals to communicate effectively while remain compassionate and respectful of their patients. Embracing the diverse experiences and perspectives among care team members can add value to my personal insights, heighten my sensitivity and foster flexibility in dispensing cares. I believe that this is necessary for establishing a positive and nurturing environment for my patients and health care team.

Thien, you can create a shorter essay if you revise paragraph 2. Start by removing the reference to the various volunteer activities you participated in. If you can't expand on the discussion, don't present it at all. Not all volunteer activities are important to present though. Unless you did something remarkable during that time, mentioning it won't really be of any help to your application. I think you meant that paragraph to respond to the second part of the prompt requirements right? You may want to try presenting it in a more concise manner since it is the preparation aspect that is important to the response. Summarize the points that you can while expand on the explanation as to how you will manage caring for your aging household while attending nursing school. That is more direct to the point in terms of the "change to your current situation" question. You can also shorten the final paragraph by removing the redundancy of your being raised in a bilingual household. You already established that and then some in the opening statement. Focusing directly on the Vietnamese patient should make the essay tighter and more useful towards your application. You should be able to cut down the essay to the maximum number of words or less if you try to apply the changes I am suggesting.

Thank you for your feedback, I was able to remove a few redundancy and unnecessary facts you have suggested. However, my essay remained at 641 words as I couldn't shorten the essays further without compromising its flow. I have submitted the statement, and CU School of Nursing has granted me an interview. Once again, thank you so much for your help. :)