In addition to the essay you are asked to write as part of the Common Application, Amherst requires a second essay (250-500 words). We do not offer interviews as part of the application process at Amherst. However, your essays provide you with an opportunity to speak to us. Please keep this in mind when responding to one of the following quotations. It is not necessary to research, read, or refer to the text from which these quotations are taken; we are looking for original, personal responses to these short excerpts. Remember that your essay should be personal in nature and not simply an argumentative essay.
''The world as revealed by science is far more beautiful, and far more interesting, than we had any right to expect. Science is valuable because of the view of the universe that it gives.''
George Greenstein, Professor of Astronomy, Amherst College
Would it be apporpriate to talk about medicine. Why I love it, not the practice but the research and advancement of it, explaining that the reason it beautiful/intresting is because of the way it touches people. Then go into what inspired me to go into medicine.
Hey twizzlestraw,
I think you can definitely talk about medicine but definitely focus on the research and advancement of it. And you could say that medicine is beautiful because its the application of scientific discoveries..
does that help?
Hi Lillian and Twizzlestraw,
I think this has a lot of potential, just as you intend to approach it. The quote refers to beauty, and you sure can find beauty in medical research. For you, I suggest The Body Electric by Becker. Did I already suggest this book to you in the past?
I look forward to seeing this essay!
:-)
This is what I have so far. I'm not ver pleased. And, I still need to add, just don't know how/what yet.. Please tell me what you think!
Tnanks!!!
''The world as revealed by science is far more beautiful, and far more interesting, than we had any right to expect. Science is valuable because of the view of the universe that it gives.''
George Greenstein, Professor of Astronomy, Amherst College
"Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva."
The first time I heard a doctor on Discovery Health Channel announce this term, I spent the next five minutes committing it to memory. I can not say I had a particularly good reason for doing this; the disease was virtually irrelevant to my life. Yet, I repeated this term to myself over and over again, slowly enunciating each syllable in order to learn the proper pronunciation. I did this because medicine captivates me. To me, it is abstract and beautiful.
I developed this sentiment at the age of seven. My aunt, Barbara Alexander, had been diagnosed with lupus. I remember every time she went to the hospital, I would ardently dig out my crayons and glitter and create a masterfully crafted "get well soon" card. However, as the years went on and the hospital visits became more frequent, it became evident to me that she was not going to 'get well soon.' Thus, at the age of seven I realized only one thing could make my aunt better: medicine. I decided that when I grew up I would discover a cure for lupus and the first person I would cure would be my Aunt Barbara.
My young mind began to view medicine not only as a source of knowledge, but as a source of life and thus beauty. Undoubtedly, that is why I fell in love with it. Its beauty resonated from the fact that it was the science of humanity. Medicine retained the ability in itself to save my aunt's life. Although my aunt passed away years ago, my dream has not. My passion is all the more stregnthened the beauty I see.
... I spent the next five minutes committing it to my memory. I can not say I had a particularly good reason for doing thisawkwardly worded "I did not have any significant reason for doing so ; the disease was ...
To me, it is abstractwell, "abstract" is a really (...) word or delete it and beautiful.
... she went to the hospital, I would ardently dig out my crayons / ardently dug out my.. and glitter and masterfully crafted a beautiful "get well soon" card.
... visits became more frequent, it became evident to me/ you ve just used "became" a word before I realized that she ...
Thus, at the age of seven I realized Even at the early age of seven, I knew only one thing could make my aunt better: medicine. I decided that when I grewwould grow up, I would discover (...) cure would be my dear Aunt Barbara.
... but as a source of life and thus beauty. Undoubtedly, that is why I fell in love with it. Its The beauty of medicine resonated s from the fact that it was is the science of humanity. Medicine retained the ability in itself to save my aunt's life.this sentence is not quite clear Although my aunt passed away years ago, my dream has not. My passion is all the more stregnthened the beauty I see. Something is really wrong with this line!
Hope I helped!
Thanks for your comments. Please help me once more:
Read your tweaked version carefully once. There are some silly grammatical and spelling errors.
like I did not "have" a particularly sig...,my (space) memory, resonateds, mreover
Oh Sorry I forgot to mention, your response is fine(can be better). Right now, I m reading your commonapp essay which I am finding really interesting!!
Yeah, I'm really stuck on how to add to it... How is my approach/organization of ideas? Do I just need to add or completely rework?
Actually, since your commonapp essay is really strong, this can serve as a decent backdrop. You don't really need to worry. :)
Also, have you, by chance, read Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coehlo? The whole kissing episode of your essay seemed strikingly similar to an episode of that novel.
Thanks! =)
but really, do you have any further uggestions?? I really want to get into this school.
Oh and no I haven't lol.
Sorry I am not really being clear. Your essay is technically perfect with sound content. The only thing is that its not outstanding like your commonapp essay. Perhaps I have read and written about such things like "medicine cures, science is beautiful" too many times. So, to me, they don't sound much original. Still, your essay complements your personal statement well. So, don't panic!
Thank you for helping me!
To say the truth, the topic about medicine is not very special, even though the essay is personal and original. Elaborate more on why you like medicine. What feelings do you get in the prospect of working so closely with people, how do you imagine yourself in that profession.
Moreover , my passion is all the more strengthened by the beauty I see - a bit vague; which beauty are you talking about?
the disease was virtually irrelevant to my life. - virtually? why so? i think you could use "practically" instead
Also, you have used "beautiful" and "beauty" twice. try some rewording.
I hope I helped a bit.
I also have a new version of the essay you corrected for me, could you please have a look? Thanks :)
Minor spelling errors in your tweaked version:
The first time I heard a doctor on Discovery Health Channel announce this term, I spent the next five minutes committing it to my [space] memory. I did not have a particularly significant reason for doing so; the disease was virtually irrelevant to my life.
The beauty of medicine resonates from the fact that it is the science of humanity.
Moreover , my passion is all the more strengthened by the beauty I see.
A very well written essay indeed.
Thanks poisenivy, yeah I think I already read it haha.
Hmmm yeah you're probably right!
I also feel like the prompt requires more creative response... but I'm not much of a creative writer. I can be anecdotal, yes, but artistic or poetic no. =(
Is my response okay in that respect?
Can you think of any way Icould make it better
and thanks for the corrections Christine!
--On the contrary, Twizzle! Your response is very well crafted and creative, and you answer the prompt well. You answered the prompt by connecting science and beauty in a very well-tailored, succinct manner. Also, your passion for medicine resonated quite well, in my opinion. :)
Hey, really nice work!
You spelled 'realization' wrong in the last sentence, and I think it should be 'my realization'.
Other than that, I don't see any spelling/grammar issues.
Is the disease you mention in the beginning lupus? Or is it unrelated? That's a little confusing, but I'm science-stupid, so that could be the issue ;)
Overall, I like it a lot! Even if it is a little sad.
I hope you noticed I re-edited your essay. Sorry I edited the old one!
Thanks for your comments!
Hey twizzlestraw,
i really liked your essay a lot. It is very personal, honest and in a way rather moving. I loved how the way your essay progressed. Great job with it. All the best with your apps. :)
I did not have a particularly(sounds awkward) significant reason for doing so; the disease was practically irrelevant to my life.
I remember every time she went to the hospital, I ardently*pssionately sound better* dug out my crayons and glitter and masterfully crafted a lovely "get well soon" card.
Moreover, my passion is all the more strengthened by my realization of the beauty in medicine; its touch on humanity.
NICE!!
Thank you for your help!
One question though...I always gets antsy about grammar.
Should my last sentence have a colon?
Moreover, my passion is all the more strengthened by my realization of the beauty in medicine: its touch on humanity.
or is the way I have it correct???
