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"Arab Belly Dancer" - ETHNIC COMMUNITY I BELONG TO- UMICH ESSAY


asolayman 3 / 11  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.

I am an Arab Belly Dancer in a school of African Beat-Steppers, Mexican Salsa Swingers, and Filipino Wood Jumpers. With my high school being viewed as the most diverse in the city, this is nothing more than merely my everyday. This is not to say I attend all of my classes in a coin-embroidered hip scarf, but I do bring along all of my thoughts, opinions, experiences, morals, and beliefs that everyone else does.

I have had the privilege of attending a high school where open discussion is encouraged and opinion sharing is acclaimed. With people from literally all walks of life, it is certain that opinions vary and challenges arise. As teenagers, we have argued, debated and quarreled time and time again about pressing issues concerning politics, religion and philosophy; just the way we should have. In pushing my opinions and beliefs on others, I picked up a few new ones along the way. I thank my African Beat-Steppers and Mexican Salsa Swingers for helping me shape all of my opinions and giving me the one present that I could never have got myself, tolerance.

its short i know, but i wanted to expand on how exactly im a bellydancer and like how exactly these peple have affected me. ANY HELP would be greatly appreciated!
simardownn - / 20  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
could never have gotreceived myself, tolerance.

With my high school being viewed as the most diverse in the city

nothing more than merely my everyday[use another word. it doesn't sound right

and philosophy;, just the way we should have

Maybe, you should give specific examples as to what your place in the community is.

Return the favor, pleasee.
OP asolayman 3 / 11  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
I have had the privilege of attending a high school where open discussion is encouraged and opinion sharing is acclaimed. With people from literally all walks of life, it is certain that opinions vary and challenges arise. As teenagers, we have argued, debated and quarreled time and time again about pressing issues concerning politics, religion and philosophy, just the way we should have. In pushing my opinions and beliefs on others, I picked up a few new ones along the way. When I walk the halls, I'm a student, but when I enter the classroom, I become so much more. It becomes almost irrelevant that my favorite pastime is belly dancing, I go to church every Sunday and that I'm a die-hard republican, it just matters that I have an opinion, and everyone wants to hear it. I thank my African Beat-Steppers and Mexican Salsa Swingers for helping me shape all of my opinions and giving me the one present that I could never have received myself, tolerance.

^^^^^^^^^ i rewrote the second paragraph a little, look it over please?
simardownn - / 20  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
Fix your sentence order. Because you go from adopting new opinions to having everyone hear yours.

I think this should go first in order

When I walk the halls, I'm a student, but when I enter the classroom, I become so much more. It becomes almost irrelevant that my favorite pastime is belly dancing, I go to church every Sunday and that I'm a die-hard republican, it just matters that I have an opinion, and everyone wants to hear it.

Then, this sentence:
In pushing my opinions and beliefs on others, I picked up a few new ones along the way.

This way your conclusion flows smoothing and the fact that you pick up more opinions shows your tolerance in the last sentence.
OP asolayman 3 / 11  
Dec 30, 2010   #5
ohh that makes sooo much more sense. i knew something was off, just couldnt put my finger on it. youre amazing, thank you so much


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