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"Archie's comics" - a horribly written essay for mount holyoke-criticism wanted


ibtessam 3 / 20  
Jan 14, 2010   #1
prompt-by looking at me you would never know that...

By looking at me you would never know that I still crave Archie's comics.

Imagine an eight year old on the watch for her elder sister before she got caught for running off with the latest 'Archie's. Her young mind would be enthralled by the Riverdale kids as she cheered for Betty in the Veronica-Archie-Betty love triangle. She would guffaw as Reggie nearly got away with asking Midge for a date behind Moose's back. But her all-time favorite was Jughead with his bottomless pit-like stomach, kooky hat and wise remarks.

Years later, I found myself excitedly following up on the big moment when Archie finally has to choose between Betty and Veronica to spend the rest of his life with. As I read on, I smiled as I gradually realized that the child within me was as fascinated as the first time she laid hands on an Archie's issue. I was happy to let that kid resurface after so long. Yes. I am nineteen. Yes. I am standing on the threshold of adult life. But that does not mean I tell myself that I'm too grown up to enjoy a favorite childhood pastime. Rather, I feel that after a dose of such simple pleasures, I'm ready to take on the world again.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jan 15, 2010   #2
That's a cool essay, and funny how you wrote about the love triangle!
You should add another sentence or two to the first one to make a little paragraph.

Imagine an eight year old on the watch for her elder sister before she got caught for running off with the latest 'Archie's.How about, "the latest issue of 'Archie'?

Yes.I am nineteen and standing on the threshold of adult life. But that does not mean I tell myself that I'm too grown up to enjoy a favorite childhood pastime.
Chrome 2 / 9  
Jan 15, 2010   #3
Nice and short =]].

I disagree I think you should keep the yes', its nice repetition . I do think you could make it more informative though...What is Archie's comics? Some people don't know. You could explain its a comic book series etc.

Also i thinking adding. Whilst reading,her young mind would be enthralled by the Riverdale kids...is better. Id understand better.

Really sweet though, nothing much to improve, i like it.
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Jan 15, 2010   #4
As I read on, I smiled as I gradually realized that the child within me was as fascinated as the first time she laid hands on an Archie's issue.

there is a repetition going on here: as i read on, I smile as I gradually realized... So, replace one of the "as"s, perhaps you could replace the second one with "when".

Yes, I am nineteen. Yes, I am standing on the threshold of adult life.

This is just personal opinion.

But that does not mean I tell myselfthink that I'm too grown up to enjoy a favorite childhood pastime.

I generally liked your essay. It looks sincere and fun.
Could you help me with mine please?


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