As I read on, I smiled as I gradually realized that the child within me was as fascinated as the first time she laid hands on an Archie's issue.
there is a repetition going on here:
as i read on, I smile
as I gradually realized... So, replace one of the "as"s, perhaps you could replace the second one with "when".
Yes, I am nineteen. Yes, I am standing on the threshold of adult life.
This is just personal opinion.
But that does not mean I tell myselfthink that I'm too grown up to enjoy a favorite childhood pastime.
I generally liked your essay. It looks sincere and fun.
Could you help me with mine please?