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'Architecture builds a community' - Why I'm interested in this major essay

ckpckp1994 8 / 17 2  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
Prompt: Please tell us what attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the future plan.

I know this is risky, very risky, PLEASE CRITICIZE HARSHLY! 1500 characters Limit!!!!!

I'm on my way to visit Mr. Bounderby in Coke Town, where Charles Dickens describes as "unlivable" under the Industrial Revolution in his book Hard Times. Oh yes. I know Bounderby well. He adores facts and numbers, but I'm here to challenge his position. "How do you do, Mr. Chan?" Bounderby greets. "Let me go straight to the point. I'm here to build a chapel in Coke." Bounderby shakes his head, and says such "thing" makes no good. "Why?" I ask, "A chapel brings life to Coke. Architecture is a reflection of history and art, and community. It makes no good?" "Look, Mr. Chan. We're mechanical, we love factories, we breath smoke, we have labors that work all day. We don't need architecture!" I roll out my building plans to him. I employ a Gothic Revival design, with flying buttress supporting the Hammerbeam roof, and tall stain glasses in lancet style. Coke Town is colorless; hence I import Raphael's art pieces from Venice to decorate the interior. They are not as secular as Botticelli's, but his use of light matches the characteristic of Coke - gloomy and foggy. "I want to share my love of architecture with the people in Coke," I say, "They're emotionless because factories won't make them happy. Architecture improves living condition, and makes a change to the society. Architecture builds a community, a community that celebrates civilization, not facts. Trust me. My chapel will make Coke a livable place." We shake hands, and wait for the magic of architecture to happen.
Davemedsci 5 / 25  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
I think it is a very good essay , but the introduction could be alittle bit more clear , i had to read it a couple of times to understand
gparfenov 4 / 12  
Dec 31, 2011   #3
I had a hard time understanding this initially, partly because I have never read that book, and partly because there are so many quotes. I think it's really creative though, and I actually really like it, I would just make it a little more to the point.
OP ckpckp1994 8 / 17 2  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
Thank you so much for the input. I'll read yours very soon.
ChihiroLavi 4 / 52  
Dec 31, 2011   #5
it's really creative and could make you stand out.However, I agree with guys above that you need to make your point more clear. Maybe add a few sentences at the beginning and a conclusion at the end would make much better.

Would u plz look at mine?THX!
ohheyitstessa 1 / 4  
Dec 31, 2011   #6
I agree I was a bit confused in the beginning. Overall I think it's really good though. It's a creative and unique take on the prompt and I like how you didn't just list the reasons you want to study architecture.

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