Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I need help on this essay, i didnt know writing about architecture (my intended major) is so hard.
Anyway, I want to make the essay stronger and easier to understand. i have terrible writting skills and grammar so suggestions and comments are very very welcomed.
Please and thank you.
I stopped at the entrance horrified that the stairs laid directly in front of the entryway. My sister and I looked at each other wincing, mother will definitely be complaining about the fengshui of this house. Continuing on, we explored the newly built eco-friendly house located in San Francisco, opening cabinets and closets, inspecting the bathrooms, studying and discussing the fluidity of the floor plan. This was a normal weekend for my family. We go to open houses, not as potential homeowners but as admirers of the stunning homes in San Francisco.
The city's diversity is reflected in San Franciscan homes with their various architectural styles. When I attend open houses, I encounter styles ranging from contemporary to Victorian. But while the exteriors reflected the styles, the interior floor plans and amenities of the homes were still Western. I thought, "Isn't this design wrong? It obviously did not follow the traditional style; why did the designers incorporate these Western details?"
To help answer my question, my mom encouraged me to travel and gain a better understanding of the world, its people, and the use of architecture as a way to benefit people. Once I started traveling, I realized that the interior structure and amenities of San Francisco homes were meant to be replaced with Western styles. The combination of Western designs with the traditional ethnic styles was not "wrong." I realize that people have different standards and beliefs that shape the way they build their homes; the reasons will not be the same spiritual or environmental reasons as the original people who created the architectural style.
Traveling also helped me shape other concepts of architecture. As I explored the exotic islands of Indonesia to the country of the Rising Sun, Japan, I began to look beyond the aesthetics and towards the logical reasoning and purpose behind architecture. The Japanese emphasized balance and harmony by using clean and straight lines; the Thai houses, built around the concept of simplicity, emphasize function by using stilts to cool themselves during heat waves. Wherever I went, people used architecture to reflect their spiritual and physical environmental needs.
My experiences in San Francisco and Asia show that architecture is deeply rooted in history, culture, and customs. To fully appreciate and understand architecture, I must build a strong foundation by broadening my knowledge. I realize that I had previously been too engrossed with the visuals of architecture to fully appreciate the functional aspects. But through travel and interaction with different people, I have developed my understanding and outlook on architecture. We shape homes to fit our lifestyles. Architecture is about building a structure that tells the stories of people's lives, beliefs, and cultures. My goal is to be that mastermind, the creator and enforcer behind these intricate structures.
Great Essay
I love how you connect your experiences in open houses to wanting to be an architect. It's nice how the majority of your essay is focused on your dreams and aspirations and yet I can still see aspects of your family life.
I stopped at the entrance horrified at the stairs that lay directly in front of the entryway. My sister and I looked each other wincing - mother will definitely be complaining about the fengshui of this house. Continuing on, we explored the newly built eco-friendly house located in San Francisco ...We go to open houses, not as potential buyers
San Franciscan homes reflect the city's...While the exterior reflected the styles, the interior floor plan and amenities of the homes were still Western.
thank you very much,
here is a more edited version of my essay,
im still looking to make my essay stronger!
comments and suggestions are very welcome :D
Interesting essay. I think it shows enough of the "field work" for a sciency major and also enough of the cultural aspect of your life. Personally I personally would have liked a little more "story telling" like what fiction is to literature kind of writing. that's just me, i think this is just a little dry for my liking.
i think its dry too HAHA...
cant quite figure out how to make it more story like..
any advice?
oh, well advice is kind of pointless now that deadline passed, but if you use it for the commonapp maybe take out some of the lengthy descriptions of the diversity and go into one in detail so that you can "show" them more. But then again commonapp doesnt have a word limit so id say just add it in
updated last paragrpah,
maybe this will answer the prompt more?
My experiences in San Francisco and Asia show that architecture is deeply rooted in history, culture, and customs. Through travel and interaction with different people, I have developed my understanding and outlook on architecture. Though traveling has prepared me for further study in architecture, I wish to further explore and appreciate architecture, and to do this, I must build a strong foundation by broadening my knowledge. And then-then can I be that mastermind, the creator and enforcer behind these intricate structures that tells the stories of people's lives, beliefs, and cultures.
