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'such an aristocratic campus' - Yale essay

Janus 1 / -  
Dec 14, 2011   #1
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? Please limit your response to the space provided. (500 c)

President Bush and Clinton introduced Yale to me, which already gives me the impression of such an aristocratic campus, filled with noble, super talented students all over the world, bringing together conflicts in culture and mind. But I am used to that. Never afraid of challenges or collision, I know how to adapt to new environment, overcome adversities and benefit from collisions. Then I find many accused Yale for being too independent, featured by unorthodox students and professors free of hierarchies and restrictions and unyielding campus never submits to political pressure and monetary temptations, and too aristocratic. Yet I disagree, as I have been pursuing freedom in living and thinking to jump from excellence to eminence and change the world.

Welcome all kinds of comments and feedback. Thx.
java4u 3 / 8  
Dec 14, 2011   #2
I think this is a god essay. The only problem I see in it is the "Then I find many accused Yale for..." part. I believe that you should not bring up the bad side of Yale and only talk positive, even if it is something other people say about the school. Besides this, I think the essay is great! Good Luck!
pothepanda3 3 / 5  
Dec 15, 2011   #3
I like it. But this is one of those essays which leaves a lot dependant upon your admissions officer. they might not like it. right one which everyone will like.
leviator 7 / 39  
Dec 15, 2011   #4
I'm just giving you advice that everyone else gave me. Make it more personal. Everyone knows Yale is brilliant, and that it has honed the likes of Clinton and Bush, and everyone wants to go to it because it's such an amazing school, but you haven't really answered the question. You talked about the negative aspects of Yale, and how you agree with them.But that's not an influence, and that's certainly not convincing enough. What you need is a more concrete point, with an example, about why you chose Yale, what aspect of your personality persuaded you to apply there.

Good luck :)

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